Love, Hope and Faith

Open Adoption Ponderings

2011-10-20T21:39:00.002-07:00

In about a week we will be celebrating my favorite holiday of the year, Family Day. If you've been reading my blog for a while then you might remember that this is my own little made up holiday that marks the date in 2008 that Andrew's adoption was finalized. We celebrate by doing something together, and having a special cake, of course!

So here is my dilemma: Andy still doesn't have any idea that he was adopted, or at least he doesn't realize that he might have a clue. We sure haven't had any formal discussions with him. I mean, he sees pictures of his birth mom and him in the hospital, and of the two of them during visits, and we use her name, but he doesn't understand who she is. Actually, he doesn't have a clue that babies come from mommies. He's never spent any time around anyone pregnant, and if he has he hasn't noticed.

I guess I haven't gotten to the worry part yet. I'm worried that by the time Andy does begin to wonder about things it will be really upsetting to him. I've always wanted his knowledge about his adoption to be seemless and just something that he has always known, and not something that he just finds out one day. On the other hand, I don't want to give him too much information too soon either.

Maybe this year for Family Day I should break out a story book about adoption that we have. Any other ideas?

Heaven Help Me

2011-10-19T09:59:00.002-07:00

One quarter down, three to go. It isn't with happiness that I say this, but rather dread. It's been a helluva time, these last 9 weeks. What it comes down to is that I simply don't enjoy working 12 hours each school day, plus going in on the weekends. This really isn't how I want to live my life. It isn't good for me or for my family. I can't even say that the money is worth it, because it really isn't. Teacher salaries in Arizona are particularly pathetic.

Let me share a bit of the back story. Last spring I decided to apply for an additional position at my school as a mentor teacher. Well, I got it, however, it came with a grade level change, up to fourth grade. That change did not make me happy, in fact, it caused many tears. However, I felt backed in to a corner so I went along with it. Let's just say that now I have an even clearer idea of why nobody ever wants to work with this particular team.

My stresses this last quarter have come not from my new position as a mentor teacher, but from having to be a 4th grade teacher. Learning a new curriculum takes tons of time. I'm chronically short on time. Learning to deal with a new team, or at least this new team, is a royal pain in my ass and I feel my blood pressure rise each time one team member begins to speak.

I've clearly made it know to my principal that it was really lousy, and totally mean, to give a new grade level assignment on top of the mentor job responsibilities. In response she tells me that I'm doing a great job. Well, that doesn't make it any easier or better, and in fact, tells me that I need to do a crappier job so that I won't have to do this again next year!

So, now that I'm well into the second week of fall break I feel like I can finally begin to think about what to do. First of all, I need to set some time limits here. I cannot continue to work 12 hour days plus at least a full day on the weekend. I'm going just need to leave school at 4:30 four days a week. No more staying until 5:50 and then dragging work home. There will be lots of things that likely just won't get done this quarter. At this point I'm ok with that.

I've also decided to go back on my anti-anxiety medication. I went off of it during the summer, and hoped to be able to keep things in check with physical exercise and relaxation exercises. Sadly, this just hasn't happened on it's own, and I haven't been able to make it happen. So, though it doesn't make me happy, I think the best thing is that I go back on it. I'm so wound up that I am incapable of relaxing. I can always go off of it next summer and hope that next school year I'm in a better situation. Hey, maybe once the medication kicks in I just won't care about all that doesn't get done!

In the meantime I'm going to try to enjoy my last days of of fall break. I'm taking Andy today to get his picture taken in his Halloween costume!

Leavin' On A Jet Plane

2011-08-19T23:59:00.002-07:00

Yup, that would be me! Only I do know when I'll be back, and that will be Tuesday evening. Until then, Brian and Andy will be on their own, with some help from Brian's dad, who is visiting for a few days.

Wish them luck, and I'll share more when I return from my super secret mission!

It's Only Been a Week . . .

2011-08-14T23:21:00.002-07:00

But, it's been a long week! The level of overwhelmedness (I know, not even a word, but it fits) I'm experiencing right now is even more than I experienced when I returned to teaching when Andy was 8 weeks old.
The trouble is that I was assigned to a new grade level, including a new classroom, this year. So, I'm in fourth grade now and wouldn't you know that in all the years that I've been teaching, including student teaching and all of my field work, I've never actually been in a fourth grade classroom. I guess on it's own this would be tolerable.
However, I also have a new position this year as a mentor teacher for fourth and fifth grade. This past summer I attended two different three day conferences and a couple of meetings, plus my school year started early. On it's own this new position would be pretty tolerable too.
Then there is the matter of having a new team to learn to work with. Part of the problem here is that the other two team members are incapable of working together. They pretty much admit it, too. So now I am the Switzerland of fourth grade. I suppose that on it's own this would be pretty tolerable as well.
What's the trouble then? Well, it has all come together like the Perfect Storm. I'm beyond busy and truly didn't know it was possible to be this far behind after only the first week of school. A lot of what I need to do involves just having time to sit down and process things. Hasn't happened, despite my best efforts.
We'll see how things go this week. I will be out of my classroom on Monday and Friday due to my new mentoring position so I've spent the weekend working on my sub folder and sub plans. Good times. Then, I'll have a sub the following Monday and Tuesday because I'm heading out of town on Saturday to handle a family situation.
Don't worry, there are a couple of bright spots. For one, I have an excellent class. I was fortunate to loop up with about 18 of my students from last year. Also, Brian has really stepped up and has been doing the majority of the cooking and laundry.
So, um, meet me back here on Friday when I've got a cold drink in my hand and we'll see how things went!

Summer Has Come and Gone

2011-08-07T22:55:00.024-07:00

Can you believe it? There is some activity in this little corner of the blogosphere? Seriously, I never intended to just vanish, it just sort of happened. A couple of months ago I said to myself, "Self, you simply must get back to blogging". I had every intention of getting back to it as soon as summer vacation presented itself. Then a funny thing happened. Summer vacation DID present itself, and blogging never happened. So, here it is the night before school starts and I'm finally fulfilling that goal of getting some blogging done over the summer.

Here it is, in a photo journey, and with the exception of a couple of 3 day conferences for school.

Early on, right after the first conference, we hit the road to California for our nephew Ryan's birthday. We had a few days to visit and the boys were able to play.

All the kids have so much fun together and this picture is a rarity, all three of them in the same spot long enough to actually get a picture!
Andy ended up with a queen size air mattress all to himself, while I slept in Ryan's racecar bed. I think I lucked out.
Auntie Kari makes tasty pancakes!
Ryan, Kari, Me and Andy before heading out to Ryan's 4th birthday party.
We also visited Knott's Berry Farm, and got passes so we can go back whenever we want. Andy was a huge fan of Camp Snoopy and can't wait to go back.
On a later trip to California we were able to visit with Mick Mick, Andy's favorite rodent ever.
On yet another trip to Southern California, Brian and I were able to spend some much needed and appreciated time at a lovely resort in Carlsbad. We'd love to be able to go back!
We also had a trip to Legoland . . .

And also to the Long Beach Aquarium, where the Skittles may have been more interesting than the fish.

One of Andy's favorite past times is making coffee with Papa. I swear, between my mom and Brian's dad this kid is going to grow up to have coffee coursing through his veins.
Then there was the 4th of July celebration with the Kohl's. The boys are really getting to be good buddies.
My favorite picture of the summer . . . my guys!
Locally, we were able to go to the Children's Museum with friends. Love, love, love to go there because afterwards Andy always has a fantastic nap. Plus, it is really cool.
Oh, did I mention we had yet another trip to see the Mouse?!?!?!?
Andy celebrated his birthday in style, with yet another mouse, and his cousins and friends.
Plus another family party later. Note to self: 2 birthday parties for a 3 year old on 1 day is utter insanity. Let's try to plan better next time.
But the hugest part of summer vacation? Or so it seems . . . potty training. This is what seemingly most of my time has been about.
Oh, and just hanging out letting a boy be a boy.
And now, here it is, 11:30 PM and I have kids finally showing up at school tomorrow after having spend the better part of the last two weeks working to get ready for this. Now that I am all caught up here, hopefully it'll be easier to stay caught up! I hope a few of you are still around!

Spring Has Sprung

2011-04-20T21:12:00.015-07:00

Spring in Arizona is a marvelous thing! However, if you dawdle, or blog, you will miss it. Sooo, we've been taking advantage of all that spring has to offer, and it hasn't left me with much time. I guess that's a good thing though, to be so busy living life that there isn't time to record or ponder it. To get everyone caught up with us I've got a special treat of a picture parade for you. In other words, I'm taking the easy way out and doling out eye candy rather than writing anything of any real substance.

We enjoyed a quick weekend visit with my Eric, Kari, Ashley and Ryan. As usual, Ashley and Andy are the best of buds!
Everyone likes to pile up on Uncle Brian, and I don't think he really minds either.
Baseball is still in the air, and the weather is perfect for bike riding. Or bike scootching, as the case may be. Andy's feet still don't reach the pedals on his trike.
What would spring be without a trip to the mall to see the Easter Bunny? Let me tell you, Andy has some serious Bunny love this year. Later, when he told my dad about seeing the Easter Bunny he said, "Papa, I saw the Easter Bunny at the mall and I liked him!"
Remember the whole bunny love thing I just told you about? Well, we also took Andy to see his very first movie. He was awesome! He sat and watched the entire movie, and ate his weight in popcorn.
The weather has been so nice that I couldn't resist getting Andy a little playhouse. He loves it! He invites everyone to come inside and begs for his friends to come over to play. Seriously, every day he plays here.
Andy just started taking swimming lessons. We've spent so much time in our pool with him playing that I felt he would do better learning with us not right in the pool with him. Obviously, he wasn't down with this plan.
He made a quick recovery and is now a big fan of playing with Miss Eileen. We go every Saturday morning and I'm super excited for our pool to warm up so that we can have more fun.
Even here in the Valley of the Sun we get some spring showers. OK, it was only one, but we did get a really nice rainbow out of it. This is what we saw when we came out of church. Andy told everyone about it for a week.
Lest you think that I think my boy is perfect, here's proof that he's not. Naughty little boy climbed up on his table to steal car keys. Good thing his feet won't reach the gas pedal yet.
I'm loving the extra sunshine left at the end of the day. I can relax on the patio while Andy plays. We've even enjoyed dinner out on the patio a couple of times. Andy would eat every meal out there if I'd let him.
Remember the whole bunny love thing? Well, last weekend my school district hosted an Easter event for employees and Andy couldn't get enough of a certain special guest. Other kids cried and wouldn't pose for pictures, but not my boy.
Oh, and here's us. Our happy little family of 3.

Yup, these are some pretty good times right now!

Spring Break is Breaking

2011-03-24T21:09:00.004-07:00

Yesterday morning Andy woke up and seemed to be feeling much better, so we took him to our babysitter's house. Yippee! Brian and I got to have our date day! We spent some time figuring out what we wanted to do, and finally settled on going to the Phoenix Art Museum since we haven't been there before.

We also decided to have lunch at a new place (for us!), called The Farm at South Mountain. It's an actual farm and they have three restaurants, one for breakfast, one for lunch, and one for dinner. They feature fresh organic produce and all sorts of yummy things. It was a beautiful day yesterday, perfect March weather, and perfectly perfect for the exclusively outdoor seating.

We enjoyed a delightful lunch, and some quiet time afterward to just sit and relax. I could have stayed there all afternoon sipping iced tea and hanging with Brian.

By the time we left and began to make our way to the museum we were both very relaxed. Suddenly the museum wasn't seeming very enticing. It seemed like a much better idea to go to the nail shop. Brian wanted a pedicure, and I wanted a gel manicure. Now, Brian is still pretty new to pedicures, I corrupted him a little over a year ago. You also have to understand that Brian is totally freaked out by feet. All feet. I know, it's weird, and I don't even get it. Minutes after we got there we were surprised when my mom walked in. Brian was ready to die! As it turned out, he and my mom were sitting right next to each other in the spa massage chairs soaking their tootsies.

It was really a special bonding moment. As luck would have it, I took a picture with my cell phone. I can't post it here because I posted it on Facebook yesterday and Brian was pretty upset about it. But trust me, I realize how lucky I am that my husband and my mom get along well, and I really like it.

Today didn't go nearly as well. Andy woke up early and was just feeling really punky again. He was coughing and congested like crazy, and certainly not his normal self. We had a follow up doctor visit scheduled for today and Brian met us over there. Mind you, this was his third doctor visit since Saturday. Now we find out that the problem is that he has Strep Throat that triggered a 5 day asthma attack, bordering on pneumonia. He's now on antibiotics, another 3 days of prednisone, and continuing with albuterol three times a day. Hopefully this will do the trick. I feel bad that he has been so sick when I've actually had time off.

We have a long family filled three day weekend, and then I'm back to school on Monday. Hopefully I won't be taking Strep Throat back with me!

Spring Break

2011-03-22T17:11:00.009-07:00

One of my favorite things about the district where I teach is that every year in March we get a two week Spring Break. While two weeks off is in and of itself pretty great, it is made even better by the beautiful Arizona weather. We also reside within the Cactus League, so we are surrounded by major league baseball spring training. Typically it is also our busy season for house guests, which is really fun. So, we tend to stay home rather than travel, which means that Spring Break is the my most restful break of the school year, other than summer break.

To get the ball rolling, my mom and I took Andy to Thomas the Train's Day Out. It was held in Globe, which is a tiny town way east of here. Andy had a blast, even though the event was a complete dud, simply by virtue of it's locale and complete disorganization.

The other best part of Spring Break is that I get to spend tons of time with Andy. Sometimes we do things that are fun for him, but sometimes we do things that are fun for me, like the day I went for a manicure and pedicure.
We have a little park nearby that Andy loves to visit. Every time we drive time he asks to go. Well, we've had lots of time to play!
Unfortunately, Andy has also been sick. We took him to the doctor on Saturday morning where he was diagnosed with a common cold. However, things changed drastically by Sunday afternoon. Andy's coughing was constant and thick, and he was wheezing and breathing rapidly. We took him to urgent care where he was promptly set up on a nebulizer. Let's just say that this didn't make him a happy camper.
By the end of the treatment he was feeling much better and thrilled to have his favorite treat, a "lollibot".
Here's a little video of him in all his cheerful "after treatment" glory, obviously feeling much better.

We were able to leave after Andy had one more treatment, and sent home with three prescriptions and still a diagnosis of a common cold, complicated by what may be asthma. The past couple of days have been rough around here, with very little sleep for anyone and grueling nebulizer treatments several times a day. We have a visit with our regular doctor later this week to see how things are going. While this isn't my favorite way to spend time off from school, I'm glad that it is break so that I don't have to be taking any sub days.

Brian is off tomorrow and we are having a date day for just the two of us. I'll have to report back later with whatever we end up doing.

Missing Baby!

2011-03-16T14:23:00.001-07:00

Where did this big boy come from? And what happened to my baby?

Falling in Love

2011-02-21T20:48:00.007-07:00

It's been no real secret that I don't exactly love Arizona. Our move here was a rough adjustment from all that we had known in Southern California, and our first couple of years were filled with challenges the likes of which I hope to never know again. That being said, little by little I think I'm coming around to Arizona.

The changes began to happen slowly. First and foremost, Brian has been my rock through all of this. But then, I began to make friends and not feel so alone. Then, I adjusted to teaching in Arizona, but that's a whole other blog post. I learned to keep from dying of the heat in the Arizona summer, and to enjoy the monsoon storms.

My latest challenge has been learning to enjoy what Arizona does have, instead of what it doesn't have. Today was a rare treat. Brian also had the day off and it was a beautiful day, sunny, clear, and cool. We decided to take Andy on a little family adventure, and we went somewhere we had never been before, and we never got further than an hour east from our house.

We drove out to Saguaro Lake though some beautiful scenery, and absolutely no traffic. Along the way we eyed the snow in the mountains and the beginnings of spring blooms. Once we arrived at the marina we looked around briefly, then enjoyed lunch on the patio of the restaurant while enjoying the views. Even better, we had a $10 off coupon for lunch. The little quote on the coupon didn't lie . . . this place is certainly one of Phoenix's best kept secrets.

I think it's safe to say that little by little I seem to be falling in love with Arizona. Who knew?

This last picture is simply a gratuitous picture of Andy from the recent past. Yup, we are still on the potty bandwagon.

He Loves Me

2011-02-16T21:02:00.002-07:00

Brian does, that is. And while he shows me this every day by all the little things he does, like cooking dinner & bringing ice water to me at bedtime, it's nice to be shown in more traditional ways. For Valentine's Day he got me a dozen chocolate covered strawberries, and they are quite wonderful.

T Bear

2011-02-15T21:18:00.015-07:00

Andy received a giftcard for Build-A-Bear at Christmas, and then last week I found $10 off coupon in a magazine. So, it seemed that the weekend was the perfect time to head to the mall for a little fun. The whole drive Andy talked of nothing but wanting a bear that talks, so we were on a mission.

Andy thought this one might make a good friend.
Upon closer inspection, there are lots of possibilities!
The stuffing process was quite intriguing for Andy.
This whole kissing the heart before stuffing it in the bear thing was a little confusing for Andy. I did it to show him how it's done, so now the bear has two hearts.
Checking the stuffing before stitching him up. Quite huggalbe!
Bathing, brushing, and fluffing.
Getting dressed.
And now a post-dressing bath, brush, and fluff.
Completing the birth certificate for T Bear.
Cuddle time on the way home.
Andy has become fast friends with his new buddy, T Bear. Andy loves to squeeze his paws to hear him giggle and talk, and he carries it around by the straps on his overalls. T Bear naps and sleeps with Andy at night, and is an all around welcomed member of the family.

It was such a fun day that I think we are both looking forward to going back another time.

Anniversary Recap

2011-02-05T21:55:00.002-07:00

I can finally share with you what I got Brian for our anniversary. He actually got two thing . . . . a box of 16 hand packed Godiva dark chocolate truffles and this little bling bling, a tungsten ring.

Brian has a platinum wedding band, however, it is too big for him now and he doesn't want to have it sized now because he plans to lose more weight. It isn't a great idea to size platinum too much, so he hasn't been wearing his ring at all. Anyway, this ring is super cool and he really seems to like it, plus it fits well.

Last night we had dinner at The Melting Pot. It was quite yummy, though I don't think I'll ever be able to look at a plate of raw animal flesh again.

Wedded Bliss

2011-02-04T22:20:00.002-07:00

February 5th marks our sixth wedding anniversary, and the seventh anniversary of our first date. What a ride this has been!

I'm so thankful for Brian and all the joy he has brought to my life!

I'll share with you later what I got him for his gift. I'm super excited about it, and I hope that he likes it as much as I do.

Really, I'm Still Here!

2011-02-03T19:27:00.000-07:00

Uh-huh, it's been a month again since I've blogged. I'm not really sure how that happened. I've done lots of blogging in my head, but sadly, it hasn't shown up here in Blogger. Not really sure how that has happened either.

School is still super busy, and I constantly feel like I'm running on a hamster wheel. Weekends have been busy. Andy has soccer practice on Saturday mornings and there always seems to be something going on the rest of the time.

Last weekend Andy and I drove back to California with my mom to celebrate Ashley's birthday. Maybe I'll even get some pictures of that blogged . . .

In a little trip down memory lane, six years ago tonight we had our wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. The dinner was super fun as we had a private room at Dave and Buster's and then lots of game time afterwards.

We are celebrating our anniversary a wee bit early this year, in that we are going out tomorrow night. We are going to have dinner at The Melting Pot and I'm super excited about it. We've never been there before, so what do you suggest?

On Saturday, our actual anniversary, we are taking Andy to his soccer practice in the morning and we will spend the evening as a family at the hockey game. It'll be my favorite kind of night, give-away night, and this time they are giving out Coyote snuggies! How cool is that? Speaking of cool, it's been freezing, literally, here in Arizona.

OK, I'm really rambling now, so I'll sign off, and promise to blog sooner than a month from now!

Warm Fuzzies

2011-01-06T20:05:00.002-07:00

You might think that Andy was sleeping on the couch and Molly decided to join him. But if you did, you would be wrong. Yup, in our house takes cues from the beagle. Molly was snoozing on the couch and Andy decided that he just had to join her. Now that I think about it, I should have joined them instead of running for my camera.

Can You Believe It?

2011-01-04T21:50:00.002-07:00

You are in for a treat, another silly and sweet Andy story!

Over the past couple of weeks Andy has been waking up whining in the middle of the night. When we go to him his only problem is that he has wrangled himself out from under his blankets and he is cold. We cover him up, give a little cuddle, and get on our way back to bed.

Well, it happened again last night. Brian went to cover him up, but when he got there Andy had a different complaint. It seems that his baby doll, who sleeps in the bed with him, wasn't covered up. Andy wanted his baby covered. Silly boy!

Coming Out of Hiding

2010-12-31T21:05:00.002-07:00

OK, I haven't actually been in hiding, but I've certainly been overloaded by everything over the past 6 weeks or so.

Obviously, I was a miserable failure when it came to blogging daily for 30 days. I was doing fine until our Thanksgiving house guests arrived early that week. I totally fell off the wagon at that point and gave up. Every day since has been filled with plenty of bloggable moments, but all things blogging fell to the bottom of my list. So sad.

Even the start of Winter Break didn't bring any peace. We left immediately after school dismissal on the last day to drive to California where we celebrated an early Christmas with Brian's family. We came home late on the 21st, had the 22nd to unpack and clean up, Andy's surgery was on the 23rd, we celebrated Christmas on the 24th, 25th, 26th with various local family, visiting family, and house guests. Our guests left on the 29th, and I've been recovering ever since.

Take a look at this slide show to see some of the highlights of the past month . . .

Personalize your own picture slideshow

Wishing you all a very happy, Happy New Year!

Annual Ritual

2010-11-21T21:28:00.002-07:00

Nope, not talking shopping here. Not talking 'bout no baking. Not talking 'bout no holiday music.

I'm talking the first holiday flavored Starbucks of the season, as in a Caramel Brule Latte. Today was a perfect day for it too, cloudy, cool and drizzly. My kind of weather, my kind of beverage, and a lazy Sunday to boot.

Family Pictures

2010-11-20T21:48:00.003-07:00

We all got up and got busy this morning getting ready to head off to have our family pictures taken. For the first time ever we didn't have to wait at all, they were ready for us at our appointment time! I guess the secret is to go early in the day before they have much of a chance to get behind schedule.

Andy was quite the charmer and did a great job. He was cooperative and smiley, at least for the first couple of pictures. After that he was much more interested in exploring all of the props hidden behind the curtain.

While I never like the pictures that I actually appear in, the ones of Andy were all great, and Brian did a good job too. Unfortunately, you will have to wait to see any evidence since I won't have any pictures or electronic images until next week.

Best Kid's Party Ever

2010-11-19T21:58:00.002-07:00

We just returned from a 5 year old's birthday party, and let me tell you, it was done right. Princess Jasmine was there to entertain the kids, and this little baby:

was there to entertain the adults. And entertained I was. As such, this blog post is coming to a close because it's time for me to doze. How'd ya like that?

Facial Favorites

2010-11-18T20:51:00.006-07:00

Recently I have discovered a couple of skin care products that I really like, and in both cases I was really pleasantly surprised. So much so, that I'm going to tell you about them now.

The first product is an Olay Regenerist Anti-Aging Eye Roller. I know, it sounds really super goofy, and I thought so too. Truthfully, I only bought it because I had such a great coupon. Surprisingly it has become my favorite morning routine product. The way it works is that the cream is released under these little ball rollers and then you gently massage it under your eyes. I truly have no idea if the cream actually does anything or not. However, the massaging with the little ball rollers is truly awesome. The little rollers are cool and it just feels wonderful. I use it in the morning after washing my face and I think it really does help to reduce the puffiness from sleeping on my face. I would definitely buy this again, even if I didn't have a coupon. It just feel that good!

The next product I'd like to tell you about is the Garnier Nutritioniste Skin Renew Brusher Cleanser. I read about this as a "must have" item in a magazine. Again, I was really skeptical, but at less than $5 I decided to give it a try. When you take the cap off you find a tilted soft plastic brush on the top of the bottle. You twist it and squeeze some cleanser up into the bristles then twist closed. With a circular motion you massage and cleanse your face at the same time. This, too, feels super good! This cleanser rinses off really clean and leaves my skin feeling super soft and clean and smooth, not tight or stripped. It isn't greasy and there isn't an over powering scent. There is nothing abrasive about either the cleanser or the brusher. I typically use this product at night as I've found that it does a great job of removing make up as well as the dust and grime from the day. Geez, I realize that I made it sound like I work in a coal mine somewhere instead of a classroom! But still, you know what I mean.

So what are some of your favorite beauty products?

Post Number 500

2010-11-17T21:15:00.002-07:00

Yup, you read that correctly. This is my 500th post since opening my blog just a little over 4 years ago. It sounds like such a short amount of time, and in the grand scheme of life I suppose it it. However, within that short amount of time so very, very much has happened. Maybe "happened" isn't even the right word . . .

What is the word for things that happen on the inside of you? For things that cause you to feel more emotions and intensity than you ever have before?

When I started this blog I was still adjusting to our new home state. I was still mourning my old school and my long time friends and the beach. I was a little bored and wanted a way to update all we had left behind. I was hopeful for what was to come.

And I blogged a little about it.

We had just been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. I was naive enough to believe that pumping myself full of fertility medications and enduring countless procedures would really work.

I blogged a little bit more.

Not long after my dad suffered his accident, leaving him to live as a total-assist quadriplegic and forever changing the dynamics of our family. It's been a real kick in the gut for all of us, and I don't think that those outside of our immediate family really understand and care about all of the ramifications.

The blogging just kept going.

Just when the doom and gloom seemed most hopeless, a ray of sunshine appeared. A surprise pregnancy. Hope had returned and I truly believed that everything would be sunshine and roses and all of our despair was in the past. How wrong I was.

I blogged and blogged and practically shouted from the rooftops!

A miscarriage at 1o weeks brought us to our lowest low and my greatest feelings of inadequacy. I couldn't sleep and spent my nights trolling the internet. It was then that I found this wonderful community who not only understood and supported me as nobody else could, but led to some wonderful friendships.

And I blogged with ferocity. And slowly the despair changed to hope.

More invasive procedures and financial stress. More failure and loss of hope. Finally arriving ready to pursue adoption and jumping through all the hoops.

And more blogging, both to help inform those around us and to have an honest record for those who would come along later looking for the information and hope that was so hard for us to come by.

I returned to teaching and Brian and I began doing what we wanted to do, when we wanted to do it, no longer putting life on hold. It was really pretty nice, and a great change from how we had been living.

And then Andrew burst upon our scene, with only a few weeks notice.

And my blogging has continued, though I realize that much of it is just plain gushing over my beautiful boy.

But the friendships have grown as my boy has. My emotional self has been stretched from dark lows to incredible highs, and every place in between.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that these 500 posts have taken me far further emotionally than anything else ever has. These 500 posts have been through a lot of living, feeling, and growing, and hopefully I've come out of it a better person. And hopefully you've considered it time well spent.

Wardrobe Woes

2010-11-16T21:48:00.003-07:00

Yup, I'm still struggling with outfitting us for our photo appointment on Saturday. I've got Brian and Andy figured out, but I'm still stuck for me. First of all, we are all wearing jeans. This helps to keep it simple. Brian is wearing a long sleeved, collared "casual" dress shirt (untucked) that is dark blue with very fine gray stripes. My sweet boy will be wearing a long sleeved, collared white shirt (untucked) with a dark blue vest. I'm opting for gray. As in a cardigan style sweater over a white tank. Of which I have none. Which is putting me in a really gray mood. My speed demon shopping trips have proven unsuccessful, and I'm running out of time.

So, have you any ideas for me before I resort to just wearing a Hefty lawn bag?

'Tis the Season . . .

2010-11-15T21:37:00.002-07:00

. . . to be preparing for the annual family photo! I love this and dread this at the same time. On the one hand, I waited a really, really long time to be able to do this. On the other hand, the planning and preparation is enough to make me crazy.

First, there is the scheduling of the appointment, trying to accommodate Brian's call schedule at the hospital and Andy's happy times during the day, allowing adequate time for meals and naps. And doing it early enough in the season that it doesn't take half a day to get it done.

Then, there is the coordinating of outfits. No, I'm not talking matchy-matchy, just basic coordination. This is hard because Brian has definite likes and dislikes (though I think this is weighted heavier on the dislikes), yet he doesn't actually help with getting it done. And this has to get done every year because the boy is growing and who wants to get their picture taken in the same thing year after year?

There is also the job of trying to make sure that everyone has recently had a haircut. Yeah, um, this one might not work out. Andy is taken care of, but I can't fit in an appointment until after Thanksgiving. Brian has a day off this week, and if he remembers then we are in luck.

Add in a little worry about whether or not Andy's spottiness will go away in time or not, or if his eczema will flare up on his face again.

So, um, yeah, our appointment is this Saturday morning, and I hope I have something to wear other than what I wore last year.

Lookin' Good

2010-11-14T20:18:00.005-07:00

Much as I love shaggy haired little blond boys, mine was becoming a little too shaggy. We went to see our friend Ginger to get a new look for Andy. Initially I thought that I might have him get a big boy short hair haircut, but in the end I just couldn't do it.

Andy was not happy with the plan of getting a haircut at all, despite the lollypop.

He did much better though once I sat in the chair and held him.
Pretty soon he actually started to get into it!
In the end he had smiles and flowers for Ginger, plus he copped a feel.
Somehow in all of this I managed to not get a picture of the finished 'do, so I'll have to try for later this week.

Med-cin Peas

2010-11-13T22:32:00.003-07:00

As if we haven't already been lucky enough in all things Andy-related, there is yet one more. My sweet boy has always LOVED to take medicine. Whether it is tylenol, motrin, antibiotics, or this last time, prednisone and benedryl, he is always ready and willing and it has never been a fight. Andy actually asks for "mo" after receiving his dose and we always tell him, "Maybe later".

Well, he has gotten accustomed to having a dose of medicine right before bed. His allergic reaction seems to be mostly under control, so there really isn't much reason to give him benedryl at bedtime anymore.

This evening Andy stayed home with a babysitter while we went out with friends. When we got home he was still up, but was clearly sleepy, though protesting going to bed. He was sitting on Brian's lap resting before looking at me and saying, "Med-cin peas". I told him that he didn't need any tonight. Well, that did little to change his mind.

After a few minutes a moment of weakness and exhaustion took over me. I went to the kitchen and filled his medicine syringe with juice before returning to the family room. Andy took his "med-cin" and was completely content to go to bed.

Oh, what have I started . . .

Friday Nights Are For Pizza

2010-11-12T20:22:00.005-07:00

Our good friends Melanie and Jim are here to visit for the weekend. I hoped they would be arriving around the same time Brian was expected home from work, but with traffic you just never know. I decided that to be safe I would feed Andy his dinner early so that he would be in good spirits once our visiting got underway. I decided to let Andy make his own little english muffin pizza, and I must say that it was an even bigger hit than I could have imagined!

Andy very carefully spread sauce on his muffin, then arranged the cheese seemingly shred by shred.

Then, he carefully arranged mini pepperoni, though he did have a pattern of eating one piece, then arranging one piece, then eating another.
Did you notice Molly lurking in the background?

The finished product turned out great, and Andy was so pleased with himself. He ate almost the entire little pizza!
We may have just created a Friday night routine . . .

Heart and Soul Treat

2010-11-11T21:40:00.002-07:00

Brian was able to take today off work from the hospital so that we could spend some time together since I was off of school today. Andy went to the babysitter's house today so that we could have a relaxing, and much needed, date day.

Our first treat was being able to sleep in today. Well, OK, it was only until 7:00, but that is still "sleeping in" for us since we are used to getting up at 5:30. After I dropped of Andy I went and picked up tasty beverages from Starbucks. We made (and enjoyed!) a leisurely breakfast at home with our coffee.

By 10:00 we were at the movie theater where we saw a movie that I can't even remember the name of! It was your basic romantic comedy-drama. We enjoyed it, but now want to see even more movies, thanks to the previews.

After the movie we went for lunch at a restaurant featured on Diners, Drive-Thrus, and Dives. Again, it was a nice treat to enjoy a meal without having to pick things up off of the floor!

When we got back home Brian decided to take a nap, but I decided to take advantage of the opportunity to go get a pedicure. Yippee!

And now I'm ready to take on school tomorrow, and by tomorrow evening I'll be enjoying a weekend visit from one of my good friend's and her husband. I'm so excited to enjoy the company of friends this weekend!

So all in all, my heart and soul are in pretty good shape right now!

Apron Update!

2010-11-10T21:11:00.002-07:00

If you read my previous post hopefully I whetted your appetite for super cute aprons, whether for yourself or for a gift. Melanie has reminded me that she always posts her latest creations on her Facebook page, "Sew Sassy Retro Aprons". In fact, her creations usually get snapped up there before she ever gets them posted to etsy!

So, check it out, you sure won't be disappointed!

Gift Tip

2010-11-09T20:21:00.005-07:00

I've been meaning to blog about this particular tip for a while now, but kept procrastinating for no good reason. As it turns out, procrastination can be a good thing because since the holiday gifting season is upon us the timing couldn't be more perfect!

My good friend, Melanie, is the craftiest, most creative person I know. She now has a personal business creating custom, one-of-a-kind aprons. Seriously, you have to check out her work! Melanie has both a blog and an etsy site to show off her wonderful creations. Melanie selects and coordinates the fabrics herself and genuinely wants each of her customers to be completely happy with their selection.

And remember, Aprons make a perfect gift for: Thanksgiving, Christmas or Hanukkah, Mother's Day, Birthdays, Hostess gift or simply just because. I bought one before Easter and it's completely adorable and I love it. If you purchase an apron from her, a portion goes to help feed families in need thru Saddleback Pantry.

So, go take a peek at Melanie's work. I don't see much holiday stuff up right now, but feel free to contact her and let her know what you would be interested in. And let her know that I sent you over her way . . .

The Boy's Got Talent

2010-11-08T21:34:00.001-07:00

While he may not have musical talent, he does have a talent for making me smile and melting my heart.

Hockey Love

2010-11-07T20:59:00.002-07:00

Andy has been going to hockey games with us since he was a mere 3 months old, and I think it's safe to say that he absolutely loves it! Now, I'm not saying that he keeps his eyes on the puck, but he loves the whole experience, from the music to the crowd, to the action and lights.

Here he is doing what he does best . . .

Jammies till Noon

2010-11-06T21:38:00.002-07:00

The best kind of day is a lazy weekend when nobody (ie: Brian) doesn't have to go to work and we don't have any plans.

When Andy woke up we went downstairs to play for a bit and waited for Brian to make breakfast. Afterward it was just more play time and we all hung out in the family room, you know, just being a family.

Needless to say, jammies were sported until noon for 2/3 of us. A delightful start to the weekend!

From Where I Sit

2010-11-05T21:41:00.004-07:00

It's Friday night, after a very long day (thanks to Space Night at school), of a very long week.

I'm in my jammies, stretched out on our super comfy couch, watching TV with my hubby while my speckled boy is sleeping upstairs.

I pulled out my laptop, remembering that there is still a little time left in today to get a post up.

But, I can't think of what to say.

Until I realize the my sweet Molly Pie has got the right idea.

It's a perfect night just to relax and be together.

See for Yourself

2010-11-04T21:12:00.006-07:00

In my last post I wrote about how I'm the last person on the planet to discover making no-sew fleece blankets. Here is my first attempt.
Pretty cute, huh? It's super soft too! I tossed it onto Brian after I took it out of the dryer and he didn't want to give it up. Now I have to put it away until Christmas.

By Wednesday not only was Andy still sick, but he was sporting this lovely rash. The culprit? A severe allergic reaction to the antibiotics.
Isn't this awful?!?!?!?
Poor boy is literally covered from head to toe. I knew that a "Woody" blanket would cheer him up, so that's why I made the second blanket. However, the "Woody" blanket is only a single layer, not two. This is my boy tonight, Thursday night, showing off his new favorite blanket.

And here you can see that his rash is starting to subside. My poor boy.

How Did I Not Know About This?

2010-11-03T20:42:00.003-07:00

I was home from school for 3 days between Andy and I being sick. On Monday I finally began a project I'd had on my mind for a while. I made Andy a no-sew fleece blanket, with Mickey Mouse on one side and cheery yellow on the other. Oh, and I might add that I've never made one of these before. The thought had never even occurred to me until I was at the craft store and saw the Mickey fleece and just knew that Andy would love it.

Thank goodness for Google! I was able to very easily find instructions for how to make these blankets, as well as samples and even You-Tube videos about it. I took all of that and came up with my own way to do it.

And now I realize that I am likely the last person on the planet to learn how to make these super simple blankets. Even worse, I can't believe that I didn't know how easy it would be!

Anyhow, I made the Mickey blanket for Andy for Christmas. By the time I was finished I knew that I also wanted to make blankets for my niece and nephew for Christmas.

Well, yesterday I was home again with Andy because he STILL had a fever and I needed to take him back to the doctor. On the way home we stopped at the craft store and bought fleece for blankets for Ashley and Ryan. Andy saw some fleece that had cartoonish little cowboys on it and he kept saying "Woody, Woody". (Yup, his favorite movie is Toy story).

And today, well, Andy was home again, but this time with Brian, for yet another trip to the doctor. He's having a really bad allergic reaction to the antibiotics he was taking for his ear infections. He's got a head to to rash of little red raised bumps. I feel so bad for him!

After school this afternoon I made yet another trip to the craft store and I found some actual Toy Story fleece. I brought home a yard and a half of the fleece and managed to get the blanket made while Brian cooked dinner (Yup, he's a good man!) and clean up afterward (I told you he was a good man!).

When I finished I sat on the couch and covered up with the blanket, then Andy came and sat next to me under the blanket. Andy pointed out all of the characters on the blanket and then I told him it was his blanket. We watched Toy Story for a few minutes then it was time for bed and Andy headed up the stairs with his new blanket. My boy crawled into bed and went to sleep under his new blanket.

And I'm the one with the warm fuzzies tonight.

NaBloPoMo - Perfect Pulled Pork

2010-11-02T14:25:00.004-07:00

Let me preface this by saying that I'm not all that fond of eating meat, of any variety. Truthfully, I could be perfectly content living without it. As such, I really don't prepare it often because I don't have much confidence in my abilities. However, Brian is a totally different story! He would be perfectly happy if his diet could consist only of meat. He puts a lot of effort into what he prepares and will go to great lengths.

With all that being said, I was flipping through a magazine last week and saw an advertisement for pork that included a recipe for Perfect Pulled Pork. It looked interesting, so I tore it out and showed it to Brian. On Friday morning, after Brian had gone to work, I found a 5 pound boneless pork butt shoulder in the refrigerator. So, I got to work. I was pretty proud of myself a few hours later when it started to smell really good.

However, when Brian got home he was less than thrilled with me. Apparently he had big plans for that pork in that he was going to smoke it in the smoker over the weekend. Oops. Eventually he got over it (like when he tasted it!) and began to embrace the fact that I had actually taken the initiative to cook something.

On Saturday Brian made two different types of BBQ sauce. For dinner we had the best pulled pork sandwiches ever! It didn't hurt that we had picked up some particularly tasty onion cheese rolls at the grocery store. Dinner was so wonderful that we had the exact same thing the next night, and Brian has been eating on it ever since. We will definitely be making this again, especially when having a crowd over, only next time I'll put in a bit less of the cayenne pepper. As directed it came out pretty spicy.

Ingredients:
5 lbs boneless pork butt shoulder
1 1/2 tsp smoked paprika
2 tsp black pepper
1 tsp cayenne pepper
1 tsp dried thyme (I didn't have any, so substituted italian seasoning)
1 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup water
soft sandwich buns

Directions: Combine all seasonings in a small bowl and rub evenly over roast. Place meat in a 6-quart slow cooker. Add water. Cover and cook on low for 6-8 hours or on high for 4-5 hours or until pork is very tender. (The bottom and middle of my roast was still a little frosty from being in the freezer, so I cooked on high for 8 hours and it came out perfect)

Place pork on a large cutting platter and let rest for 10-15 minutes. Pull, slice or chop to serve. Serve in buns with BBQ sauce.

Hope you enjoy!

NaBloPoMo

2010-11-01T20:16:00.002-07:00

What? You haven't heard of NaBloPoMo? It's basically when a whole bunch of people decide to post to their blogs every day for 30 days. So, um, yeah, I'm gonna give it a shot. There's an official website for it and all, but I'm not linked up over there. I'm linked up with Suzy, check out the cute little button on my sidebar. Click on over to see who else is doing it with her too. So why am I doing this? Well, for no other reason than when the ever delightful Suzy asked for folks to join her (you know, since a challenge is more fun when others are doing it with you) I was on vacation and felt like I had oodles of time for posting my blatherings.

So, um, not so much to blather about today. I stayed home sick today because the crud that Andy has been sick with has found it's way my way.

The only other thing worth mentioning on this 1st day of November is that in the very early morning hours one of the sweetest girls I know gave birth to her miracle baby girl, and she's simply adorable and quite perfect!

The Best Laid Plans

2010-10-31T20:45:00.014-07:00

It was pretty easy to decide what costume Andy would wear this year. Actually, there wasn't much deciding involved. A couple of years ago my friend gave me a fluffy giraffe costume that he son had worn. My nephew Ryan wore it that year, and finally this year Andy fit into it.

However, Arizona being a desert instead of almost anywhere else . . . it's still too hot for such a costume! No worries though . . . we had a back up. But, life being what it is, Andy spiked a fever on Thursday night after having had a cough for about a week. We spent the rest of the evening at pediatric urgent care finding out that Andy has double ear infections again. I stayed home with him on Friday and he seemed to be feeling better.

I took him to his daycare for about an hour so that he could celebrate a little bit with his friends. He arrived wearing his giraffe costume, but had already switched to Charlie Brown by the time this picture was taken.
These are some of his little art projects that he made. Andy loves doing this stuff!
The one hour playing with his friends wiped him out. I was treated to Andy taking a 4 hour nap! When he woke up I got ready to go to my school's Boo Bash since I had volunteered to help. When Andy saw me in my costume he wanted to put his on again.
On Saturday I made rice krispy treats and cut them into ghosts and pumpkins. Andy helped to decorate them with frosting and sprinkles.
Here are the finished treats!
Andy thought they were quite tasty!
Later I stripped him down so that he could decorate his pumpkin. This poor punkin! It's been dropped and rolled around the house for the past 3 weeks. My ever delightful bloggin' buddy Farah shared the lovely idea of fingerpainting a pumpkin, so we went for it. It was our first experience here with fingerpaints, and Andy loved every minute of it. I really can't even complain about the mess because there really wasn't any. I'd be perfectly willing to haul out the fingerpaints with him again.
We then got to the business of gutting the bigger pumpkins. Andy was completely fascinated by the inside of the pumpkin.
Fascinated as he was, Andy wasn't quite willing to stick his hand into the goopy mess.
To end our day of Halloween festivities Andy relaxed in front of the TV while enjoying a bowl of ghost poo-poos. OK, they were really mini marshmallows, but he enjoyed them anyway!
The pumpkin on the left is Brian's, and the one on the right is mine.
Andy's pumpkin is the little fingerpainted one. When he wasn't looking tonight I threw it away. It was really getting soft from being tossed around so much and the paint was starting to flake off.
As if we needed more examples of life being life, I woke up really sick today and Andy has been running a fever again. We didn't do much Halloween-ing today. We took Andy to my parent's house and Brian's grandparents house to deliver treats. I took Andy trick-or-treating to one house. Only one house. This is the only picture I took of Andy today. So, in spite of the oodles of pictures I've taken of everything leading up to Halloween, the only picture I got of him today was of his backside.
Sometimes life is just life.

Hope everyone had a Happy Halloween!

A Boy and his Baby

2010-10-27T09:08:00.000-07:00

Andy spends a lot of time playing with several little girls who are 1 to 3 years older than him. So, by default he also plays with dolls and other pink girly stuff. Last Christmas I got him a baby boy doll because, well, it was something I thought he would like. And he did. And does. But, this really wasn't a toy that he played with very often.

Since we started potty training last week there has been a lot of emphasis about what a big boy Andy is. I guess as part of his processing he has been extra interested in his baby. His baby has been a constant fixture. The baby sits on the bathroom counter while Andy uses the potty. The baby sits at the kitchen table while Andy eats. Andy tries to share his sippy cups and apples with the baby. The baby sleeps in Andy's bed. You get the idea.

I guess I didn't realize how close they had become.

This morning when I went in to wake up Andy his baby was in bed with him. Andy had the baby's little plastic foot in his mouth. As I was waking him he really didn't want to let it go. It was cute, funny, and kind of creepy all at the same time.

Family Day Celebration

2010-10-26T20:55:00.003-07:00

We've had a really busy couple of days around here, so our Family Day celebration was a very small and short event with just me, Brian and Andy.

Andy helped to decorate the cake, employing a strategy of carefully placing sprinkles by the handful.

In typical Andy fashion he was tasting the cake as he was decorating.
I sure love this picture. Andy loves his daddy.
Even though our celebration was short and sweet (like my boy!), it was absolutely perfect (just like my boy!).

2 Steps Forward, One Step Back

2010-10-24T21:14:00.003-07:00

While Andy has had some successes with potty training over these last few days, he still has a ways to go. I've decided that it was just way too stressful for all of us. As such, Andy is back in diapers for bedtime and we'll be using pull-ups during the day when we are out and about.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that the 3 day plan was a failure. My sweet boy is much more aware of his need for the potty now and is able to use it once he is on it. That alone is a huge step! He, and we, struggle with getting him there in time. My boy plays soooo intently that he just can't be bothered most of the time.

So, for now, I'll let him decide when he wants to wear underpants and when he wants to wear pull-ups. Night time isn't really negotiable right now. I mean, he was able to stay dry for 5 to 8 hours, but not really too consistently. When he would wake up wet he'd be really upset and then be awake, and keep me awake, for an hour and a half. That just isn't going to work.

To make matters worse, Andy has been battling a cold with a really nasty cough for days. Today he even blessed us with the runs, so pull-ups were a really good call. For the first time in his life he has a really nasty diaper rash, or at least that's what we think.

All in all though, I really can't complain. My sweet boy and I had some great days of hanging out and bonding at home. We had lots of time to play, chat, read and cuddle, and that alone makes it all worth while.

Family Day 2010

2010-10-22T13:32:00.005-07:00

This weekend we will be celebrating Family Day. What? You don't know about this holiday? It comes around every year on October 25th. We celebrate by being together as a family (Wait, Brian is on-call this weekend. Come to think of it, he was on-call last year too.), something fun, and a fancy cake. Really, it's lots of fun and I look forward to it, even though I tend to get a little mushy and sappy. OK, I'll admit it . . . I sort of made up this holiday. But, I had a really good reason.

On October 25, 2010 we had Andy's adoption finalization hearing. All of these people

were in court to celebrate with us. Later more people joined us for a luncheon party (and yes, we had cake). And thus was born our first Family Day. Andy was just 3 months old and weighed in at a hefty 11 pounds.

Last year we celebrated quietly at home. My dad joined us, but my mom was out of town. Brian kept getting called in to work, but we did have cake.

This year the 25th falls on Monday, but that won't be a good day to celebrate at all. First of all, I have to return to school that day. I tutor after school, so I won't be leaving until 5:30. Then, I will be spending the evening leading the Resolve Peer Led Support Group for our side of the Valley. Hence, we will need to celebrate on Sunday. Of course we will have cake, but I wanted to do something else as well. I had thought about taking Andy to Build A Bear and letting him make a special toy. However, I just read that our mall has a new Lego store opening this weekend so it will be a complete zoo. Any ideas for me?

Oh, and on the 26th we celebrate Andy's second baptism birthday. Wasn't he a cute little peanut? I'll need to go to the Christian book store to pick out a little something for him.

So, any thoughts yet? Should I still try Build A Bear, or do you have a better idea?

PT Days 2 & 3, and Into 4

2010-10-22T13:17:00.003-07:00

Let me start this by saying that day 2 of the 3 day potty training program sucked great big hairy monkey balls.

Andy seemed to be having even more accidents than the first day and I was constantly cleaning. The only thing I was doing more often than cleaning was telling Andy to tell me when he needed to potty. He was ignoring me. We were both stir crazy from being in the house for so long. It was ugly. It was miserable. I couldn't believe that I was spending my fall break this way. In fact, I even had to clean up a mess after Molly. I prayed that I would do a better job with Andy than I have with Molly.

Day 3 rolled around, and Andy woke up dry after sleeping for 5 hours. Accidents were still fairly prevalent. Andy was still tired of me telling him to tell me when he had to go potty. I spent huge amounts of time cleaning up after accidents. In a panic I re-read the book. And I found some solace. Everything that Andy was doing was totally typical. I just needed to stay the course and keep being positive, full or praise and consistent. Brian had begun to doubt me, so I had him do some reading as well.

I kept thinking that part of the trouble might be that Andy has had a cough and a little cold. At midnight last night he woke up crying and coughing. We went to him expecting to find him wet and cold. Instead, he was dry. We brought him to the potty and he went. I easily put him back to bed. This morning Andy woke up around 8:00. Totally and completely dry! A few minutes later he asked to go potty, and he went.

It's now 1:30. Andy is napping. There have been no accidents. He's still wearing the same underpants I put him in after his bath last night. I'm hopeful.

Show & Tell

2010-10-21T09:26:00.007-07:00

The ever-delightful Suzy is hosting Show and Tell this week and I decided to hop on board because, well, I'm still stuck at home and it sounded like fun. I was also moved by her story of her first fur-baby, so I decided to share mine.

After college when I moved into my first apartment of my very own my mom's friend wanted to give me a housewarming gift, but she couldn't decide what to get. A few days earlier her son had dropped off a cat for her since he was moving and couldn't bring the cat. Well, my mom's friend wasn't getting any joy from this cat who stayed hidden and wouldn't show himself. I went over to visit and while I was still in the entryway the cat came out of hiding and began walking around me and weaving himself between my feet. When I looked up my mom's friend was standing there holding all of the cat's belongings, at which point she wished me a happy housewarming.

That's the story of how Bill became my cat. Yup, his name was Bill. But, I had many nicknames for him: Sir William Whitesocks, Bill E. Kitty, or Billy.
Billy was only truly affectionate with me, sitting on me, sleeping on and with me, purring, and kneading his paws. He didn't much like it when people would come over, and he would seldom even show himself if a male entered the place. It was typical of him to sit with his back to people, as if to show his total disdain for them.

This went on for years (like, 13 of them!) . . . until Brian came along. The very first time that Brian came over Billy immediately sat right next to him on the couch, and within minutes was sitting on his chest purring and kneading his paws. This continued until Brian was ready to leave. I can't really blame Brian for leaving, for by that time his eyes were all red and puffy and watery since he's allergic to cats.

Brian was the first boyfriend that Billy ever accepted, and things continued on happily over the next several months. During this time Billy slowly started losing weight. He'd always been a chubby cat, so this hadn't really been a concern. Right after Brian and I were engaged Billy started having other, shall we say, intestinal and elimination issues. I took him to the vet and found that he had lost 1/3 of his body weight at the vet was very concern. An x-ray and blood work revealed no cause for his troubles and medication provided no relief. An expensive trip to a specialist and much more invasive testing was going to be required. I just couldn't do that to Billy and knew that even if the testing did reveal something I was still going to have a very sick 14 year old cat. I decided that it was time to say good bye. Over the next few days I fed him a steady diet of canned tuna and ice cream and he was one pretty happy kitty, though still sick. I cried buckets and Brian was really very tolerant during this time and was quite understanding. It tore him up to see me like this.

I felt very guilty that Billy had been losing weight for a while and that I hadn't taken notice earlier since I was so busy with Brian. I would wake up in the middle of the night just crying, and keep Brian awake for hours. We had to leave social events early because I would start crying. Brian told me many times that Billy had taken care of me for many years, until Brian had come along, and now Billy knew that Brian would take over so it was ok for Billy to move on.

And even after all of this, Brian still wanted to marry me. I still have Billy's collar and tags. They are on a stuffed cat that looks just like him. I have this, as well as a framed picture of him on a book shelf in our room. Andy often tries to play with "kitty", but I won't let him.

After we were married and moved to Arizona we decided to get a puppy. We knew we wanted kids one day, and figured that this would be a good place to start. We picked a beagle breeder on the other side of the Valley who had a six week old litter and went for a visit. Two weeks later we had Molly. The rest of the story about Molly will have to wait for another time.

News Update

2010-10-20T11:17:00.003-07:00

First Time Mom Takes on 3 Day Potty Training

Day 1 consisted of having the boy child throw away all of the diapers and then giving him new big boy underpants and telling him to keep them dry and tell me when he needed to use the potty. Only a first time mom would fall for this.

What it really meant was that I was no more than arm's length away from boy child for 15 hours straight. When he would start to have an accident I would pick him up and run with him to the bathroom to get him to finish in the potty. We'd then start with fresh underpants. By 10:00 am I had a laundry basket with 8 pairs of wet underpants. His, not mine. Now, sometimes he would run on his own to the bathroom and sometimes would make it to the potty, sometimes not. I did see some clear signs that he was getting the idea.

Literally hundreds of times I asked him if his underpants were dry, then praised if they were. Hundreds of times I told him to tell me when he had to go. Lots of times I cleaned up wet spots on the tile floor, kitchen chairs, carpet, bathroom floor, and bathtub. Yes, empty bathtub. Don't ask.

The boy child refused to nap. He finally fell asleep at the kitchen snack while enjoying a treat for peeing in the potty. My salvation had arrived! Victory was mine!

It lasted for a glorious 90 minutes, and he remained dry the entire time.
The evening brought several more accidents and successes. Getting him to sleep at regular bedtime was not one of the successes. Each time we went in his room he asked to go to the potty. We'd go, and he'd play around. This was repeated several times. The one time I didn't fall for it he peed on his bedroom floor. He finally went to bed at 9:45pm. At 2:00 am he was whining in his sleep. I checked on him and his shirt, underpants, and sheet were soaked and cold. I woke him up to take him to the potty and change into dry clothes and sheets. By then he wanted nothing to do with going back to sleep. We went downstairs and watched a little Nick Jr. and rocked in the chair until he was drowsy. I put him back in bed at 3:00 am. I didn't wake him until 7:00 am this morning and was pleasantly surprised to find him and the bed perfectly dry! That's 5 hours in my book! Let me tell you, this kid has NEVER woken with a dry diaper.

This plan does not allow one to do anything else. No cooking, cleaning, laundry, watching tv, talking on the phone, or paying attention to anything other than the boy child.

We are 5 hours into day 2 and I'm questioning my sanity for even trying this. However, I am committed to the entire 3 days, by which time I've been assured that he will get it. I sure hope so!

Super Easy Tortellini Soup

2010-10-19T10:24:00.003-07:00

Whenever I need to make a super quick dinner this is usually what I turn to. All of the necessary ingredients are usually on hand, making it extra easy. It originally started as a Weight Watcher recipe, but I've improvised a bit over the years.

Ingredients:
32 oz. chicken broth
8 oz tortellini (fresh or dried, whatever you have)
15 oz can diced tomatoes (seasoned or plain)
15 oz can kidney beans (red or white)
1-2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
2-3 tablespoons chopped fresh basil

Directions:
Bring broth to a boil in a pot. (I use my small dutch oven) Add tortellini and boil gently for about 7 minutes. Add tomatoes and rinsed beans. Bring to a simmer for a couple of minutes until heated through, adding any seasonings that you like. I usually add a little bit of Mrs. Dash Italian Seasoning. At the very end add the vinegar and basil. Ladle into bowls and top with a little Parmesan cheese if you like. Serve with garlic bread (I usually have some in the freezer or make my own with leftover bread).

Leftovers are yummy the next day. If the soup isn't brothy enough the second go-around I just add a little bit of water.

See? It's insanely easy and you can totally use whatever you have around and whatever you like! If you try it, let me know how you like it.

Finding Fall

2010-10-17T21:14:00.014-07:00

We found it! We found it! We found a little bit of fall!

We spent Wednesday traveling and Andy was quite the trooper. He did really well waiting around the airport for our flight and was even better during the flight. It really helped that he slept for about an hour on the plane. Once we arrived and got settled in our hotel we met up with my mom (who was also visiting) and my grandma. We all went out to dinner to celebrate Brian's birthday. There's nothing that Brian enjoys more than a great steak, and we went to our favorite Omaha steakhouse It did not disappoint and we had a wonderful meal.
Here we are back at my grandma's place after dinner. Me, my mom, Andy and Grandma. Can you believe that she will be 101 in February?!??!
We couldn't have asked for better weather. The daytime temperatures were in the low 70's, with the evenings in the 50's. That's my kind of weather, and quite a relief from the 90's that we have here in Arizona! This is my favorite picture of Andy and my Grandma.
We spent some time outside letting Andy burn off some energy. There's nothing this boy likes better than a good ball. We stopped at SuperTarget to pick up this one, and I even managed to fit it into our luggage so that we could bring it home with us.
My boy ran and ran and ran, and kicked and kicked and kick, and threw and threw and threw to his heart's content. I'm not sure who was more tired afterward, Andy from playing or Brian from keeping up with him.
Andy had lots of hugs and kisses for GG, and was even willing to share his Elmo stickers with her.
On Friday we went to Vala's Pumpkin Patch, which was completely amazing! I so wish we could have spent more time there. This was unlike any other Pumpkin Patch I've ever seen. There was so much to see and do, and it was just so perfect for little kids.

Andy had been looking forward to the pony ride, but by the time it was his turn to saddle up he screamed, "no pony! no pony!", so that was the end of that. We left really quickly, with hopes of going back later.

After stopping for lunch and letting Andy nap in the car we went back to visit with my Grandma. Andy has a way of finding fun with every item that he picks up.
He even got my Grandma in on the fun! Andy arranged the wheelchair and walker and insisted that my Grandma sit by him.
On Saturday our fall fun came to an end and it was time to return to the Valley of the Sun. As you can see, Andy was a big help in lugging our stuff through the airport.
Fall break isn't over yet. There is still another week to go. Yippee! Our next adventure? Potty training starting on Tuesday . . . . so stay tuned, I'm sure I'll have plenty of comments and questions for you!

In Search of Fall

2010-10-11T20:29:00.002-07:00

My friends back in California always give me a little bit of grief about how early we start school out here, since our first day back to school is during the first week of August. And yes, it is still hot then. Really hot. You know what? It's still hot. Now. However, it is cooling off, with daytime temps in the 90's. That doesn't sound very fall like, does it? I didn't think so either. Luckily, partly because we do start school so early, I'm currently on fall break. As in, off school for two entire weeks. However, since the Phoenix area really doesn't get very fall like I'm forced to look elsewhere. Last year we went to Maryland. This year we're going to Nebraska.

Yes, I know, most people probably think of New England when going in search of fall. Honestly, I do too. However, my grandma lives in Omaha, so Nebraska it is. I've been scoping out the weather reports there for weeks, practically drooling over the cooler temperatures. And now? We are two whole days away from being there ourselves.

Other than visiting my grandma, and taking Brian out for a nice steak dinner for his birthday, I'd really like to find a pumpkin patch for Andy to romp around and scream, "PUNKIN!". He's also getting pretty excited about going for an airplane ride. Never mind that he's been of many flights before. This will be the first one where he really gets what's going on.

When we return we'll be back just in time to relax at home and watch the Coyotes on tv. Now that's fall. The return of hockey season . . .

Travelin' Toddler Style

2010-10-06T21:38:00.000-07:00

We travel quite a bit. We don't always take a VACATION, but we do take many trips. For the past 2 years any time we have gone somewhere, so has Andy. My sweet boy has proven time and again that he is a champion traveler. I'm often asked how we manage, so I'll share a bit here.

First of all, I can only take about 10% of the credit. The rest belongs to Andy. Seriously. He is just that much of a champ.

I'll start with airline travel. I've flown with Andy to Omaha twice and Baltimore once. I've learned that I never want to drag a carseat on an airplane again. Oh, I didn't mind the little infant carrier type of carseat, but a full on regular carseat? Never again! We use the CARES harness to keep Andy in his seat safely and then check our carseat with our bags. We also take along his big stroller to keep him contained when necessary while we wait in the airport. It's super easy to check at the gate and it's really nice to have to pile all of our junk in.

Road trips are a different story since I don't make any effort to pack lightly. The big trick is to bring an assortment of stuff for the little guy. I put a bag in the backseat with all sorts of little toys like his cellphone, cars, books, etc.
I also bring along bunches of his favorite snacks, like goldfish crackers, dry cereal, apples, bananas and stuff like that. As evidenced by this next picture, giving him just 1 blue m&m was not a good idea. Funny, but not one that I will likely repeat.
My boy is a champion napper in the car, and we can count on him snoozing anywhere from 1 to 3 hours.
Sleeping while away from home is always difficult. Andy is such a go-getter that he literally goes until he drops. When we stay with Brian's parents we have learned to leave the house at bedtime. That's right. We go out for date night and leave Brian's mom to be the bad guy. We don't go back to the house until we know he is asleep!
We have another trip next week to Omaha, so we'll see how things go. Right now Andy is a huge fan of airplanes and we are getting him all hyped up to go on one for a ride. I hope I didn't jinx ourselves by telling all of you what a great traveler he is!

Has This Ever Happened to You?

2010-10-03T10:23:00.008-07:00

Andy and I just got home from an outing and my first stop was our downstairs bathroom. I got myself settled and expected to see this:

Instead, this is what I saw:

(Thanks, Brian!)

No worries though, as I knew I could find one of these:

within easy reach in the nearby cabinet.

Unfortunately, this little cutie:

just joined me, as he is never far away. As I grabbed the roll I didn't have a good hold of it and it rolled away, across the floor. At that moment I was very glad that Andy had followed me in. I asked him to pick it up and hand it to me. Sadly, he is two. He laughed crazily and ran off with the roll, leaving me stranded.

I found myself wishing that Molly could be this useful:

Finally my sweet boy responded to my pleas and returned with the goods.

And now I need to properly supply the downstairs bathroom!

Nature? Or Nuture?

2010-09-23T20:39:00.002-07:00

Brian has a quite well known love for all things bacon. And now, it appears that Andy does as well.

Create a free scrapbook

A Little Scare

2010-09-20T20:11:00.003-07:00

Yesterday I took off on a shopping expedition and Brian stayed home with Andrew. My mom dropped off my dad so that he could watch football with Brian rather than go to the nail salon with my mom and aunt. When I returned and came into the house I found Brian in the kitchen with Andrew. Brian was looking in his mouth and asking if he ate anything. I was thinking he may have eaten a rock, but that's a story for another day.

Instead, Andrew had gotten into my dad's bag and pulled out his daily pill organizer without anyone noticing. Brian didn't know anything was up until he heard a pill hit the floor in the kitchen. When he went to investigate he found Andrew with the pill organizer, open, and at least 1 pill on the floor. We had no idea what might have been in the organizer, or if we were missing anything.

Now, Andrew's speech is very easy to understand and he has a rapidly developing vocabulary. He regularly speaks in 4 to 5 word sentences. Information he offers is usually pretty accurate. That being said, whenever anyone asks him a question he answers with, "Sure", unless you are asking him if he wants to go to bed. So, needless to say, we couldn't determine if he had eaten any of the pills or not.

I called my mom to find out exactly what and how many of what should have been in the organizer. At the end of a pretty chaotic phone call it appeared that Andrew hadn't actually eaten anything.

So, crisis averted. For now.

I'll have to get back with you about Andrew's obsession with rocks.

Ice Cream Happy

2010-09-06T20:57:00.000-07:00

A Leap of Faith

2010-09-01T20:49:00.005-07:00

Since moving to Arizona over five years ago we haven't managed to find a church that we are comfortable making a regular habit of. There is basically just one church that has been close enough to us geographically and the same denomination. However, it's part of a different national organization from what we were accustomed to in California, and that includes some philosophical differences. This is the church where we had Andrew baptized the day after his adoption finalization. Everyone has always been very pleasant and friendly.

We always had a reason NOT to attend each week. Like, we were out of town, we had company, Brian was on call, we were busy, we were lazy. You get the idea. Part of my hesitation was even in bringing Andrew. Each time we went we took him into the sanctuary with us for the service. I never did bring him to the nursery. I knew he would be well taken care of, but I worried because Sunday morning services are always right smack dab in the middle of his nap time. Basically, it was just an excuse.

There is another church very nearby our home, though non-denominational. They were in a temporary home, but building a church some miles away. Again, a deal breaker for us. However, this summer they moved to a more permanent location, still very nearby our home. We have several friends who attend this church, and really enjoy it. I also knew it's services are similar to what I was used to in California. Everything finally added up and we decided to give it a try last weekend. Oh, I almost forgot! A huge plus for us is that they have a Saturday evening service, at 5pm. Well, this is a huge bonus for me! In California I loved attending Saturday evening service!

So anyhow, we went over there on Saturday. Our friends met us there and already checked in Andrew for us. All we needed to do was drop him off at the toddler room. He was so funny! He ran right in, towards a table full of toys, without even giving us a second glance. Andy looked up as we were leaving, but was totally unconcerned as he had a table full of toys at his disposal. We went on our way. When the service ended and we were filing out I looked at my cell phone. I had two new text messages from an unfamiliar number. Yup, the first one was telling me that Andrew was crying and very upset and for me to come to the toddler room. The second one was five minutes later, saying that everything was ok and that I didn't need to come. Phew! These messages had come thru a half hour earlier! Apparently when I turned the phone from ring to vibrate that didn't include incoming text messages. We hurried over to the toddler room and there he was, busily playing inside a little fort. The girls had been able to calm him down once they started singing songs.

All in all Andrew did great. He's never been left where he didn't know anybody. We also did great. It feels good to be excited about going to church again. We really enjoyed the pastor and the service, and we will be back again. Just not this weekend . . . . but really, that's only because we are heading back to the OC and some hopefully cooler temps.

9 Days In

2010-08-19T20:03:00.003-07:00

School (with actual, real live kids in attendance) has been in for almost two weeks now, though I've been working for a month. I can easily say that I was more prepared this year than any other year, however, I'm still not very settled now.

I really, really like my class. And that's saying a lot because I was more than a little scared to find out that I have 16 boys and only 8 girls. I'm also really enjoying the relatively small class size. Kids are learning routines and are eager for all that third grade has to offer. I'm finding that I have to do some things a little different to keep all those boys on track.

The downside is that since our grade level has such small class sizes there could be some changes to accommodate some of the larger classes at other grade levels both at our school and other schools in the district. We are all waiting on pins and needles to see what is going to happen, and holding our breaths that things stay just the way they are. The stress is really beginning to take its toll. It could be another week or so before we know anything.

Things on the home front are just plain crazy! Just one week into the school year Andy got sick. On Sunday night he woke up at midnight crying, and with a really high fever. I gave him some tylenol, and a couple of hours later we were all able to get to sleep. Brian had to call in on Monday to stay home with him, and I went to school on a grand total of 3 hours of sleep. Ugh! Andy was fine all day on Monday. No fever at all and his activity level was normal. All was well.

Tuesday morning at 6am when Andy woke up I found that he was burning hot with another high fever. Brian has already left for the hospital, and just couldn't take another day off. I called for a sub, threw on some clothes, grabbed Andy, and ran over to my classroom to prepare sub plans. After we got back home Andy had a little breakfast, and then played pretty normally. Around 10 I put him down for a nap, and when he woke an hour later he just wasn't the same kid. His fever was even higher and he was quite obviously really feeling bad. I called and got him a doctor appointment for later in the afternoon. I spend the rest of the day holding him and watching Nick Jr. My poor boy!

See? Pretty pathetic, huh?

Turns out he has a pair of ear infections of an oddball variety that causes even extra pain. He's on the mend now, except now we are dealing with the revenge of antibiotics, in the yucky diaper sort of way, if you catch my drift. This part stinks too, literally and figuratively. This morning when he got up he had a major blowout that ran all down his leg and pooled on the carpet in his room before I could get to him. I had to give the poor little guy a bath too. All of this happened 10 minutes before we were scheduled to leave the house! So, by the time I actually made it into school it was actually a relief.

I'm pretty sure tomorrow will be a good day, I mean, how bad can a Friday be? I'm going to leave school in the afternoon at a decent hour, and I'm not going to bring a single bit home with me for the weekend. I'm going to take the entire weekend off!

Speaking of the weekend, Andy has a birthday party to go to on Saturday, and I have a baby shower to go to on Sunday. Should be pretty fun.

So, what do you have planned for the weekend?

Just Like Daddy

2010-08-17T10:02:00.001-07:00

I'll let you guess which part(s) of this ensemble are just like Brian.

Warm Fuzzies

2010-08-10T20:52:00.003-07:00

Awwww, you all gave me the warm fuzzies! It's nice to know that so many enjoy reading about and sharing in our every day lives.

I'm more than happy to just keep sharing the small moments of our lives. Sometimes that's just the best stuff anyway. The high drama roller coaster stuff is sort of fun for a bit, but I'll take relatively peaceful regular every day stuff any day!

I have a new little toy, a Flip Video, and it's super easy and tons of fun. I'll try to share a video here, not really sure how this is going to work . . .

For a little background, Andy got away from me during a diaper change and just plain went wild! And, well, this is how we amuse ourselves.

Bloggin' Blahs

2010-08-08T21:07:00.002-07:00

Yup, I'm-a-sufferin' from the "bloggin' blahs". And when I suffer, so do the whopping 3 regular readers that I have. Assuming I even have 3 readers anymore.

Maybe it's been the heat. Maybe it's due to the pure exhaustion of chasing around a super active 2 year old. Maybe it's that I've been seemingly working around the clock for the past 2 weeks getting my classroom ready for this year's challenges. By the way, the kids come back tomorrow morning.

Maybe it's that I don't really know what to do with this blog anymore. I felt like I had a purpose before, but now I don't.

Any thoughts? Should I close down? Should I just be patient, and hope that my friends and readers are patient as well?

2 Years! Oh My!

2010-07-22T15:04:00.006-07:00

I know that I frequently find myself wondering just where time has gone. Do you? But 2 years? Seriously, how did I lose track of 2 years?!?!?

It seems like just yesterday this little peanut came into our lives.
And seriously, every single day I wake up in wonder and awe that this little guy is really ours.

So, the first order of business on Andrew's 2nd birthday was to take him for a doctor visit. He was quite charming and flirted shamelessly with his doctor, who couldn't stop gushing about how marvelous he is. Great news is that he's finally getting taller! He is 33 3/4 inches tall (40th percentile) and weighs 29 pounds (75th percentile).

After stopping home for some playtime and a snack we left to get Andy's pictures taken. He was quite the champ and had a great time playing in the studio.

When Brian gets home we'll have dinner, then Andy has some presents to open. We are having his birthday party on Saturday, and that will conclude a solid week of celebrating.

Catching Up

2010-07-13T17:28:00.003-07:00

This is just a little something to tide you over until I can actually bring myself to work on a real post. I guess I've just got the summer lazies over here where it's hot and we are busy living life and having fun with family.

In August of '08 Andrew first met cousin Courtney, and they were quite the adorable pair.

Since then, Courtney and her family have been in Korea since her daddy is a pilot in the Air Force. Well, they've been here in Arizona since their time in Korea is up and they are soon moving to the UAE for the next couple of years.

Courtney (and big brother, Chase) have been great playmates for Andy. Look at them now!
Aren't they just completely adorable?

Birth Family Visit

2010-07-05T21:13:00.003-07:00

On Saturday we had a visit with Andrew's birthmom, A, her fiance, and her two daughters. It was only our third in-person visit since Andrew was born, and it was the first visit that we hosted at our home. Some of you may wonder if that was a little weird. Absolutely not! I think I can safely say that it was our best visit yet.

Our last visit was at the kids pizza joint with the giant, freaky rat. Andrew was simply not himself while we were there because it was just so chaotic and he didn't know what to make of it. I left that visit feeling sort of icky, well, rather sad, that A didn't get to see him being himself and his sweet personality. Afterward, Brian and I talked and we agreed that we felt comfortable having the next visit at our house.

I think our visits are also getting more comfortable because, well, we are actually having them. Plus, we keep in contact via texting and facebook as well. We all swam for a bit at first, then had a do-it-yourself taco bar, fresh fruit, and cupcakes for dinner. The kids played together really well and Andrew just couldn't stop loving on his 8 month old half sister. It was pretty cute.

At one point I asked A if she wanted to see Andrew's room. She told me that she really wanted to, but that she hadn't wanted to ask. We went right up and I gave her the tour. A loved his room, and bathroom too.

After about 3 hours our visit came to an end and we said good bye until next time. Andrew had hugs for all. I'm just continually amazed at how this relationship continues to grow. It is such a gift. First of all, I genuinely like A and care about how she is. I want her to see for herself how wonderful Andrew is and how much we completely adore him. I also want Andrew to know that she did, and does, love and care about him. I want him to know that she didn't just turn her back on him and forget about him.

Here it is 2 days later, and I've still got the warm fuzzies over how well everything went. This is exactly the feeling I want to carry with us through the years.

I do realize that our situation is very different from many other adoptions, and that works for us may not work for everyone. I also feel it's important to share how this does progress so that other families contemplating adoption can have a little snapshot about how it can work. I also would like our friends and family to understand, because I do realize that this is very different. Please, if you have any questions that I haven't touched on please ask away in the comments, or email me directly.

Festive 4th

2010-07-03T21:51:00.005-07:00

In lieu of a real post I thought I would share some of my sweet boy's sweetness. We are celebrating a pretty low key 4th of July around here. Brian is on-call for the weekend, so our adventures are limited. We had a wonderful visit today with Andrew's birth family, but I'll share more about that later. In the meantime, enjoy these pictures of my boy all decked out for the 4th.

I hope you and your families enjoy a wonderful 4th celebrating our nation's birth!

Charlie Brown Isn't the Only Good Sport

2010-06-30T16:19:00.006-07:00

Molly is also an incredibly good sport. As pets do, she became our first child when we first moved to Arizona. In fact, we used some of our wedding money to buy her. Beagles, in general, are really good around kids and that is partly why they make such good family dogs. Still, when it was time to bring Andrew home from the hospital I did wonder how she would do. To ease the transition, the day before we brought him home I brought home a blanket from the hospital that he slept with. Molly was able to sniff it to her heart's content. When we first brought him home she was very curious and we would hold the baby and let Molly sit near us and check him out. When she seemed to be accepting him we would let her inspect him.
It didn't take long before she would lay near him whenever he was on the floor. If he was playing with toys then she would bring over something of hers too, like this teddy bear blanket.
Gradually Andrew became much more hands on with Molly, and she always gracefully tolerated it. She's had her eyes poked, ears pulled and tongue grabbed. And she wiggles and comes back to more.
Once Andrew began to eat on his own Molly thought she had died and gone to heaven. She has a permanent place right next to Andrew when he eats. We've had to cut back on the amount of food we feed her in order to compensate for this. Even so, it's sort of worth always having clean floors.
But now? Molly is a saint. Andrew is a giant pest to her now. He chases her around the house and she runs from him. He hugs her. Hard. Molly has always had her crate as a reprieve. She now goes there more and more frequently as he bothers her. It's her safe place, and she knows she won't be bothered there. Today, while fixing dinner, I couldn't get to him before he invaded her sanctuary.
You gotta love a beagle. And a boy who loves his beagle.

California Adventure

2010-06-29T10:07:00.004-07:00

Well, we have survived yet another trip to Southern California and a wonderful time was had by all.

We drove out on Thursday afternoon and luckily escaped the heat here in the Valley of the Sun. On Friday Brian went on a fishing trip for the day while I had breakfast with a dear friend. Later, Andy and I met my brother and his family at Red Robin in a local entertainment district so that we could help to celebrate Ryan's third birthday. The kids were so excited to be together! Afterward Andy refused to ride the merry-go-round with Ashley and Ryan because there wasn't a "Mick Mick" for him to ride. (That would be Mickey Mouse). We shopped for a bit, then returned to Brian's parent's house. When Brian's fishing boat returned we left Andy with Nonnie and Papa while we went to the Angel game. What a beautiful night for a ballgame it was!

On Saturday we went to Ryan's birthday party at the nasty rat pizza place. You know what I'm talking about. It's so weird how kids just go completely nuts there. After having a great time with his cousins we dragged Andy out of there. We all went to visit a wonderful friend of mine who had just returned home from the hospital. And, if we hadn't had enough visiting for the day, we had dinner with Brian's parents and grandma.
On Sunday we went to California Adventure, it was Andy's first time at that park. We rode a couple of rides, visited with some characters, and saw a little traveling Toy Story green army men show. Let me tell you, Andy put on quite a show when it was his turn to visit with Mick Mick, even kissing him square on the nose. When Andy met Chip and Dale he hugged them each so tight and wouldn't let go, he literally needed to be dragged off. We've decided that when we return next month we are going to take Andy to one of the hotels for the character breakfast to celebrate his birthday.

Sunday evening Brian and I had another date night. We went to Disneyland and walked around and rode a few rides before walking out to Downtown Disney to have dinner and do a little shopping.

Yesterday we were charged with driving home. While we had lots of fun and enjoyed visiting with so many people, it was time to return home. The hardest part of this trip was getting Andy to sleep at night. And forget about napping! If he wasn't in the car, he wasn't napping. It was impossible to get Andy to go to sleep anywhere near his regular time. He was up until anywhere from 9:00 to 11:00 each night, and up each morning by 7. Ugh. I can only hope that this too will get better with the more practice he, and we, have.

And now we are home. Brian is at work today and Andy and I are stuck home waiting for a furniture delivery. I'm really excited about getting the furniture, but bummed to have to wait at home today. Such is life . . .

Full Circle

2010-06-22T21:17:00.002-07:00

Three years ago, this month, I was in a horrible place. After a year of doctor visits, tests, procedures, a surprise pregnancy and miscarriage, I didn't know where to turn. Friends and family didn't know what to say to me, and frankly, were tired of hearing me go on about it. Finally, with nowhere else to turn, I came across Resolve and looked to see if there was a support group locally. There was not. However, I emailed the local contact person and asked if there was a chance of a West Valley group starting up. Surprisingly, within 10 minutes I (and several others) had an email from her detailing the start up of a new group in my area the following Monday. After I actually received a response to my first email I realized that our emails had just gotten crossed and it was just a weird fluke (or was it?) that just as I reached out for help it came my way.

So, a few days later I quite nervously set out for my first meeting. Since the group was just starting it was only me and the leader that night. It helped so much to sit and talk with someone who truly "got" it. Month after month I kept going and the group grew.

Eventually I stopped attending, once I got over (however "over" a person can get) my second miscarriage and had Andy to attend to. I did keep in touch with a few of the girls, as you may remember if you saw my post and pictures a month or two ago about a reunion we had.

Shortly after that I was asked by the leader of the group if I would take over the group as she would be stepping down. After thinking about it for a little while I decided to do it. The first meeting was a few weeks ago, and just like when I started, it was just me and one other gal. I was blessed to hear her story, and honored that I am in a position to offer understanding and support. Our next meeting is on Monday evening, and our group should be little larger. I'm looking forward to this next part of the journey and being able to offer support and understanding, which can be so difficult to come by sometimes.

Jumbled Father's Day Thoughts

2010-06-20T20:24:00.006-07:00

Brian's Father's Day celebration actually began last week when I gave him some bacon chocolate bars. I forget now why I gave them to him early, but it made sense at the time. You see, Brian is a huge fan of all things bacon. And I was right, this was a huge hit.

Also, last week Lindsay posted of their experience making bacon pancakes and when I told Brian about it he was incredibly jealous. Thus, bacon pancakes made it onto our morning menu for today. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised then when Brian wanted chocolate chips added to his pancake. Personally, I passed on the chocolate chips, but the bacon pancakes were delicious nonetheless.
I then spent some time decorating this yummy chocolate monkey cake. Sadly for Brian, no bacon was involved. And really, there was no real point to the monkey cake other than the fact that I got a new cake pan for my birthday and I wanted to practice before Andy's birthday next month. And, you know, cake is a great reason to have people come over.
My parents joined us in the afternoon for cake and Andy time and we had a very nice visit. Considering all that has happened with my dad in recent years we are very lucky to be able to continue celebrating Father's Day with him.

While I am able to think about all of the ways that Brian is an awesome dad, from the way he calls Andy "my boy" to the way he chooses outfits for him and gets up with him at night, it's a little different. I say different because while I am honoring Brian for being a great dad to MY boy, and all the dads and grandpas in our lives, I am also thinking of a mom. Andy's birthmom. And I know it's an odd day to think of a mom, but stay with me. She is the one who made it possible for the love of my life to even BE a dad. And she is the one who has made it possible for me to see this whole other side of Brian. And so today I have deep and sincere gratitude to her for allowing us to love and parent this wonderful little boy who we love so dearly.

And on the other side of my gratitude is a teeny bit of jealousy. You see, she was able to do what I tried so hard to do but couldn't. She made my Brian a daddy.

Surprise Visit

2010-06-19T09:18:00.002-07:00

Sorry to be keeping anyone in suspense, but I couldn't ruin the surprise. My brother and niece, Ashley, drove out on Friday so they could surprise my dad on Friday for Father's Day. Ashley is five and just can't get enough of Andrew. Apparently the feeling is mutual since our last visit to California a few weeks ago. Since then Andrew talks about "Ashee" all the time. So, Thursday night was quite a treat for him when he realized that she was actually here, live and in person. He followed her around like a little puppy dog and refused to do anything unless Ashley was leading the way. Diaper change? Nope, not for me. But he was a willing participant for Ashley. Time to change into jammies? Nope, not for me. But a willing participant for Ashley.

That night Ashley waited patiently for Andrew to finally go to sleep. Once he was asleep she was able to creep in and sleep in the twin bed in his room. At 6:15 yesterday morning they were both front and center in my room, ready for the day to begin.

Andrew and Ashley were great friends yesterday and had lots of fun together. We went to the local splash pad in the late morning where they played and played. We went home and had lunch and then while Andrew napped Ashley and I enjoyed some quality pool time. Once Andrew woke up and Brian got home from work they joined us in the pool. Both kids played so hard yesterday that they both went to bed really early.

Eric and Ashley left bright and early this morning for California and Andrew was a whiny mess. He just wants "Ashee". Not to worry though, we'll be in California next weekend and will be seeing both Ashley and Ryan for Ryan's third birthday party.

Live and Learn

2010-06-17T22:17:00.003-07:00

It's been quite the week of learning for Andrew, and he is quite the little trooper. Despite spending one night in the BIG big boy bed he has returned to the toddler bed. After our little night-night routine Andrew will cry, and get out of bed and hang on the baby gate and cry, but only until we get downstairs. Seriously. How cool is that? Not that he cries, but that he stops that quickly. He then puts himself back into bed and covers up, then babbles for a little bit, then goes to sleep and we usually don't hear from him until morning. We've been at this for a week now and I'm pretty comfortable that we've got this thing under control.

However, since returning from California, Andrew has had no desire to actually use the potty. But, that's ok. He will still say "pee-pee" and is a lot more agreeable to diaper changes. After we change the dirty diapers he likes when we dump the contents into the toilet and he can flush. Then he proclaims "All gone" and smiles like crazy. For now it's enough that he is getting interested and making connections.

I have more cute stories to share, but family does read this blog and there's something that still needs to be a secret until tomorrow, so the rest will have to wait.

Hope everyone is having a great week!

Toddler Battles

2010-06-14T09:38:00.006-07:00

So, our last couple of nights in California were a little trying. Since Andrew cannot be contained in a pack-n-play anymore his grandmother made up a little twin bed for him. He was all about climbing up on it, laying down, then climbing down off the other side. In other words, Andrew fully realized his new found freedom and decided that there was no need for him to sleep. Ever. Putting him to bed at night took hours. Seriously. We have been totally spoiled because it's always been really easy to put Andrew to bed. We would do his little bedtime routine, lay him in the crib, cover and kiss him, then say night-night and leave the room. End of story. No need to return until the morning when he woke up. I figured that once we returned home, back to familiar surroundings and baby gates, peace at bedtime would return.

I was wrong. Way wrong.

Upon our return Brian converted the crib to a toddler day bed. Andrew thought it was really cool and delighted in climbing up and down from his new big boy bed. Until bedtime. We did our thing, then left the room, closing the baby gate behind us. Andrew was instantly up and crying and shaking the baby gate. This went on for 45 minutes before he finally settled down. When I checked on him he had climbed back into his bed and covered himself with his blanket, and was sleeping. Peace until morning. The next night the crying took about 30 minutes. And the next? Again, about 30 minutes. The next night? 20 minutes. At least we were progressing in the right direction. Last night Andrew immediately hopped out of bed as we left the room. This time the crying stopped by the time we reached the bottom of the stairs. About 20 minutes later he started calling for Daddy, but nobody answered him. After a few minutes he settled down again.

Later we went to check on him, but this is what we saw:

Notice Andrew is not in his bed. He had always been good about putting himself back into his bed and covering himself with his blanket.

Instead, this is where we found Andrew:
Yup, he had climbed up onto the BIG big boy bed and made himself all comfy.
We put a pillow on the floor, covered him up, and he slept there all night long.

I should mention that naps are much easier. I put him in his room and he plays with toys until he gets in his bed and goes to sleep. We'll see what tonight brings, and which bed he chooses. If he keeps choosing the big bed then I guess we can take down the toddler one all together and make a little more space in the room.

And now, in honor of Flag Day . . .

Our California Adventure

2010-06-07T22:31:00.007-07:00

We started our day with a quick trip to Disneyland and made our way to Toon Town in search of the great mouse. It wasn't very crowded today, so Andy was able to walk through Mickey's house without getting trampled. Back in March when Andy finally met "Mick Mick" he cried, squirmed, and beat Mickey about the head. This time? It was all love!
Last time, Andy was terrified of the other characters. This time? He ran to Pluto with plenty of love and ham.
We left the park and lunched at Rainforest Cafe. Andy wasn't too thrilled with the first "storm", but did enjoy the elephants and monkeys and then tolerated the later "storms".

Once back at the house, and after a failed attempt at napping, I loaded Andy into the car and we went to visit a friend at her office. From there we went to the beach for Andy's first trip to the ocean. This kid is truly an Arizona boy. He was all about the sand and none to thrilled with the water that moved.

We will have to work on developing his love of the beach much as we've worked on his love of "Mick Mick" and other characters.

More adventures tomorrow as we hang with his cousins Ashley and Ryan and visit the pool. Summer vacation is awesome! But, as much fun as we are having, we do miss Brian and are looking forward to returning home in a few days.

Back to our Regularly Scheduled Programming

2010-06-07T08:26:00.003-07:00

Well, this has been an unexpected little break from blogging. Nothing bad, just general life.

Once we all recovered from the stomach flu it was time for me to jump back into the last two days of school. What a whirlwind! The kids were only there for half days, but there was more than enough paperwork and clean up to run through the rest of the days. To further complicate things, I was completely hell-bent on finishing the projects for my last gifted endorsement class by the time school ended as well. And I did it. I'm thrilled to say that I completed 15 credit hours this school year to complete the course requirements for a gifted endorsement to tack onto my credential.

So last Thursday, the first day of summer vacation, I carted Andy off to the babysitter's house and Brian took the day off work. We ran some errands, spent a ton of money, had lunch out, and just enjoyed our time together. On Friday morning I again carted Andy off to the babysitter's house and spent a quiet morning, ALONE, at home before getting busy with the business of laundry and housework and errands.

Thrilling, huh?

On Saturday morning Brian had to go in to work, so I got Andy and me packed up, loaded up the car, and we hit the road for California. We are staying with Brian's parents and will head home on Wednesday. Yesterday Andy had some quality time with his grandparents, and I got to have some quality time with my girlfriends. Ah, that does a heart good!

Since we've been here Andy has figured out how to climb out of the pack-n-play, which isn't exactly a good thing, since that is where he sleeps at night. Thus, last night was a pretty long night for us.

The other thing is that he likes to say that he has to go pee pee and then sit on the potty. Likes it, as in wants to do it about 100 times a day. Which wouldn't be so bad if he was actually productive. Usually he is too late, or just plain mistaken. So, once we get home it'll be time to outfit the joint with character covered potty seats.

In the meantime, for today, we have a visit planned to Disneyland so that Andy can see Mick Mick. He LOVES Mick Mick. We'll be heading out as soon as Andy finishes his coffee. Yup, Brian's dad gave him his own cup of coffee this morning. In the interest of full disclosure, it's about 1 tablespoon of coffee and 2 tablespoons of half and half.

And So it Continues

2010-05-29T17:23:00.002-07:00

The stomach flu is still plaguing our household, unfortunately. Andy seemed to be feeling a bit better on Thursday, but it struck again with a vengeance early Friday morning. In the line of fire? Brian and I, but I got it worse than he did. Andy slept through the whole thing. I had to miss school yesterday, which was our last full day of school. Once I realized that I was too sick to go to school I launched into an anxiety attack because of that.

Yesterday was a blur, spending the day napping or laying on the couch. Andy was so good, keeping himself occupied while we lounged and tried to feel human. I started to feel better once my fever broke.

Today we've still been taking it easy. The hardest part is trying to get liquids into Andy. He is still having "issues", necessitating the use of night-time diapers all day long. We found that popsicles work great, so long as a little clean up doesn't bother anybody.

This photo slideshow personalized with Smilebox

I hope that all of you are having a far healthier Memorial Day weekend, as we remember those who gave their lives in service.

Another First for the Little Guy

2010-05-26T21:37:00.002-07:00

And seriously, this is a first I could have done without!

Let me preface by saying that I am frequently "on-time" challenged and I'm always rushing out of the house with Andrew in the mornings to get him to the babysitter and me to school on time. This morning was no exception. I had the car all loaded up and just needed to wake up Andrew and put him in the car and hit the road. There was not a minute to spare. I woke up my sweet boy, he slowly sat up in his crib, then started throwing up. Repeatedly. Then the crying started. His, not mine. He's 22 months old and this has never happened before.

I called Brian and the hospital and told him that he needed to come home ASAP, that I couldn't possibly take Andy to the babysitter and that I couldn't miss school today either. Then I called the teacher in the room next to me and asked her to take in my class and get them started for the day. Then I called and canceled with the babysitter. Then began the task of cleaning up the pukey boy. I didn't even bother with the bedding, figuring that was a perfect job for Brian. I also started thinking that I might be over reacting and making a mountain out of a molehill. I changed my mind though after my sweet boy puked three more times before Brian even made it home.

Poor sicky boy continued this way for the next 3 hours before finally taking about a 3 hour nap and waking up like a new kid. By the time I got home he was napping again, but when he did get up he was ready to eat. Andrew did well with some chicken soup, banana, and crackers. Later, when Brian and I ate he slurped down lots of watermelon jello. Then it was off to bathtime and bed, and he seems good as new.

I hope tomorrow gets off to a much better start.

Thanks to all for the birthday wishes, I really appreciate it!

Come Celebrate With Me!

2010-05-25T00:12:00.002-07:00

It's my birthday! And, amazingly enough, I'm a mere 29. Again. Ahem.

The exciting part? I'm actually able to enjoy it. For a long time I didn't enjoy my birthdays because of the completely deafening ticking, immediately followed by mind-numbing panic and anxiety. But now? It's all fun and completely enjoyable again because I feel absolutely no pressure. Yippee! A birthday the way it should be!

Which isn't to say that I'm not going to do some reflecting, because, sure, while there are some things I would have liked to do by now, I wouldn't be where I am now, which is exactly where I want to be, if I hadn't gotten here the way I did. (Yes, that really was a totally confusing sentence, and I'm sure there's a long passed English teacher rolling in her grave.)

So, happy birthday to me, and enjoy some yummy cake today!

More Open Adoption Thoughts

2010-05-22T20:49:00.004-07:00

Let me start by saying that I am so incredibly glad that we do have an open adoption and I believe that it will be the best thing for Andrew.

But at the same time, it's hard. Really, really hard.

We've had visits scheduled this past week with Andrew's birthmom that haven't worked out because she has had to cancel. Now, I do understand that things happen and that things come up. That being said, I've been pretty disappointed. And at this point the disappointment is mine, not Andrew's. I'm hoping that I'll have a handle on it by the time he is old enough to understand.

I've just been so excited (and proud!) for her to see how awesome and wonderful he is in person. But, she has a lot going on in her life right now and things change for her very quickly sometimes.

To further complicate things (for me, anyhow) I want to help her so much, but I really can't. She's told me that she admires and looks up to me, but I'm not comfortable giving her the depth of guidance that she needs. Or rather, that I think she needs. And maybe that's the problem.

She has lived a life that I can't even imagine, and it isn't fair for me to open my big mouth. And in the meantime, we just go day by day as our collective relationship continues to grow and change. While it's kinda neat, it's also kinda scary. It isn't like there is a manual to refer to or anything.

Strawberry Sweetness

2010-05-17T22:00:00.000-07:00

Make your own collage

Summer, Here We Come!

2010-05-16T20:12:00.002-07:00

This is the time of year when the warm (OK, hot) weather is still fun. In 6 weeks it might not be quite as much fun. Anywho . . .

This afternoon we had a birthday party to attend for our friends' adorable three year old. She and Andy go to the same babysitter, so they are good friends too. The party was held at our city's community park Splash Pad. We've never gone before because last summer Andy was still too little since he wasn't walking yet. So, this was our first trip.

Check out our fun afternoon by clicking below!

This scrapbooking design customized with Smilebox

We had such a good time that I can see us making lots of return visits as a way to beat the heat. Anyone want to join us?

Mother's Day Done Right

2010-05-16T14:32:00.003-07:00

Actually, our little family of 3 celebrated Mother's Day a day early, just because we could. We all got up early on Saturday morning. The day promised to be rather warm, so we decided to head for cooler ground. We drove north to Prescott to enjoy a change of scenery, 20 degree cooler temperatures, an art festival, and a little adventure.

We couldn't have asked for a better day. Andy was completely agreeable for the drive and was a babbling fool. He really enjoyed the walk around the outdoor art festival because there were tons of dogs being walked around by their owners. We let him run around for a bit and he couldn't have been happier. Andy had his first experience with ladybugs, and thought they were great fun when Brian showed them to him.

We walked around downtown and found a fun place for lunch where the 3 of us shared a hamburger and some sweet potato fries. Yummy! Afterward, we walked around some more before deciding to head home.

Now, on the drive up we saw awful traffic heading south, so we decided to look for a different route home. I knew there was one, because I had driven it before with a friend. However, our friend Magellan had a different plan.

This route began with narrow, curvy mountain roads. This is a well-known recipe for car sickness for me. So, this part of the drive wasn't a lot of fun for me, though it was scenic. This return route was also longer than the original route. However, our destination (home) was still the same, and we did eventually get there.

While on the drive home I couldn't help but think of how it mirrored our journey to parenthood. We were forced to take a different route when the regular road didn't work out. The road we did take was full of twists and turns and literally made me sick. But, there were nice things about this route. Brian was with me, right by my side. The scenery was pretty and we had an adventure. Most importantly, we did arrive at our destination, even if it did take a little longer. And now we have a nice story to tell about it.

Mother's Day Ups and Downs

2010-05-08T21:08:00.006-07:00

I feel so incredibly blessed to be celebrating Mother's Day this weekend that I can hardly stand it! I have Brian and Andrew, and my mom, too. We are all healthy and happy, the weather is gorgeous and none of us have work to do this weekend.

But, it's complicated. I feel so many other things as well, and it makes my brain a very busy place trying to figure it all out.

5 years ago I didn't really give much thought to Mother's Day, other than to celebrate with my mom. I figured that one day I would also get to celebrate it, but it really didn't give me much pause for thought.

4 years ago I started to get impatient and anxious, and began to worry it would never happen.

3 years ago I was excited for Mother's Day as it approached because I was finally pregnant. However, 3 years ago, on May 9th, I had my surgery because of my miscarriage #1.

2 years ago I was waiting, and trying to be patient.

1 year ago I was blissfully happy with my 10 month old beautiful baby boy! But the joy was tempered just a bit (OK, maybe a lot) by guilt. I thought it would go away.

It hasn't. It's still here.

I still feel so badly for those who are still longing to be a mom, and for those who have their babies in heaven instead of here on Earth. I know this pain and wish that nobody would ever have to know it.

And now this year my joy still continues, but I also remember my losses, and those of my friends.

So, if you are still waiting, my prayers are with you. And if you are celebrating, please remember your friends and family who may be still longing for motherhood or missing their babies. I know I am.

Kiss Kiss

2010-04-29T20:38:00.004-07:00

As a teacher and life-long avid reader I've long known the importance of reading early on to kids, starting in infancy. This is one of the activities I was most looking forward to doing with my own kids. I had all sorts of visions of snuggling with my baby and good little books. And Lord knows I've tried.

Andrew has tons and tons of books, and he really likes them too. He loves to pull them off his shelf, have one in hand, or in a bucket or bag. Given the opportunity, he'll devour them. Seriously. As in, with his teeth. Andrew will bring a book to me, drop it on me, then run off. We try to read to him, but he runs off before we even finish a page. Honestly, he'll only sit with me for about a minute before running off. Andrew has no patience for a story, though he does like to point to pictures and hear their names, and he will point to what I ask him.

However, I've been feeling like a bad mom because I never seemed to actually read a story to him. I read and hear of other moms who read several books daily to their babies and toddlers. I was hoping to make some real progress once summer vacation started.

But, things have a way of working out. Last week Andrew decided during his bedtime routine that he wanted a book. We pulled out a favorite (of mine, at least) called, "Kiss Kiss". Brian read the story while I held Andrew on my lap in the rocker. On each page that said, "kiss kiss" I kissed Andrew, then he would kiss the baby hippo on the page. It was awesome. And the most awesome-ist part? Andrew has wanted to do this every night since. And we've obliged, happily.

I'm so incredibly thrilled with this next step for Andrew, and I can't wait to venture further than "Kiss Kiss" with him.

What's your favorite children's story?

Who Took My Baby?

2010-04-28T20:39:00.002-07:00

And where did this little boy come from?

Andrew is getting so tall! Well, tall for a short little guy who's always in the 10th percentile. He's also getting really, really independent and wants to do everything on his own. We've also been in the midst of the fabled vocabulary explosion. It seems as though every day he is saying new things. He speaks in full sentences, but unfortunately he is the only one who knows what he is saying.

My favorite times are on weekend mornings. I love how we aren't rushed and we can just hang out and play and take our time and enjoy ourselves. Unfortunately, Andrew still insists upon his morning nap about 2 hours after he wakes up, so morning outings, including going to church, are pretty impossible right now. Soon enough, I suppose, he'll be ready to give up this morning nap.

What's your favorite time of day?

2010-04-25T21:32:00.006-07:00

Sometimes there is such a fine line between being concerned and being too involved. There's a fine line between caring, and overstepping bounds. There's a fine line between what's appropriate, and what's not.

Sometimes your brain tells you which side of the line to stay on. Sometimes your heart does the telling. And sometimes fear of doing the wrong thing does the telling.

And then there's that whole "You can't unring a bell" thing that keeps you from acting.

Sometimes it isn't enough to consider just the here and now, but the future, one year, 5, 10, 15 years, if not longer, down the road needs to be considered.

And in the end, I have to remind myself that it really isn't my place to get involved. And that's hard, because quite obviously somebody does need to get involved. And here I am back to balancing on the thin line again.

From Tears to Smiles

2010-04-24T13:39:00.011-07:00

Today was the day of my little support group reunion. Everyone was just coming over to my house with kids in tow so that the kids could play and us girls could visit and we could all have a little lunch together. Sounds nice, right? Apparently not to Brian. I guess he was afraid of being overrun by emotional girls and just too many kids. He left the house before anyone got here and didn't return until the coast was clear.

Here's what he missed . . .
.

See? Didn't that look like fun? There weren't actually many tears until the very end of our little visit when we tried to get a group photo, and even then it was only kids who were crying.
It really did my heart good to get together with these girls. We each have a different story for our journey to parenthood, but we have a deep bond too. We've all shed tears together. We've all had heartbreak and felt hopeless. But now? We've arrived. And it's all smiles from here on out.

So please, if you are still on this journey through infertility, please reach out to others, in person. Nothing compares to having people locally who understand first hand where you are and are willing to hold your hand through the hard times and celebrate with you in the good times.

In fact, I was sitting with these girls when I got "the call" about Andrew.

Odds Oddities

2010-04-21T16:38:00.005-07:00

Many times over the course of our infertility journey we found ourselves on the short side, or wrong side, of the odds. First of all, to even be diagnosed and have to deal with infertility in the first place, put us on the short side of the odds. Then, to wind up with unexplained infertility was again an example of the short side of the odds. Throughout every single type of treatment I endured the odds were against me. The odds were against me that I would ever get pregnant in the first place.

But I did, and it finally seemed that I beat the odds. In fact, after the heartbeat was found I was finally on the good side of the odds, for the first time throughout the journey. Obviously, that was a short lived journey to the right side of the odds.

Odds were against us for getting chosen so quickly for Andrew, but we did, thankfully.

And now a study comes out showing that those who suffer miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death are more likely to divorce. Again, the odds are against us. I've seen many marriages suffer and fail as a result of infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death, and I've always been so sad for those people to have to suffer yet one more loss.

But us? This was one time where despite the odds against us we have come out the other side even better than before. And this isn't really fair either, since many of those who didn't have things work out may be far more deserving than us. But I'm most thankful, blessed, and exceptionally lucky.

Evidence

2010-04-20T16:31:00.003-07:00

I'm sure I mentioned that we had a little binky relapse around here. It happened at the beginning of March when Andrew was really sick and inconsolable with another ear infection and fun stuff like that. It was like magic when we gave it back to him at 2am one night.

Over the next couple of weeks though, he got very attached to it and wanted it more than just at bedtime. Frankly, I was just too tired to fight it and wanted to enjoy Spring Break.

For St. Patrick's Day I made green frosted cupcakes. They were a huge hit with the kids! Andrew plowed through one in no time, getting frosting everywhere. His face, hands, neck, hair, and even in his ears. Unfortunately, as soon as he devoured it, this is what I saw . . .

In this moment (though completely adorable and comical and heartwarming all at the same time) it became abundantly clear that it was time for the binky to GO. And this time? It seemed like there would be much more of a fuss than last time. Being the coward that I am, I waited until the end of spring break so that Andrew would be back with his babysitter during the day. I knew she wouldn't put up with a binky during the day!

So, a couple of nights before heading back to school I peeked into Andrew's crib to check on him as he slept, as I do multiple times every night. And what did I see? Lying in the corner of the crib was Andrew's binky. All by itself. I snatched it up and ran out of the room, hiding the binky someplace that I've long since forgotten. Sure enough, in the morning when Andrew woke up he wanted his binky, calling "beeeeeee beeeeeeeee beeeeeee". I pretended to help him look for it as he looked under the crib. I pulled out the crib from the wall so he could check back there. I watched as he looked under the bed, and the dresser, and the bookshelf and acted sympathetic.

We repeated this routine for a couple of days, but I'm happy to say that Andrew has been completely binky free for the last three weeks. I think it's now really safe to say that the binkies are behind us. In fact, it's hard to believe that this picture was taken a little more than a month ago. I had forgotten all about it until my brother sent it to me yesterday. But I do have to admit, it's such a cute picture that (if I'm being totally honest) I almost miss the binky.

How Far We've Come

2010-04-17T21:51:00.002-07:00

Forgive me for getting a little sentimental here . . .

In June of 2007 I was in a horrible place. Over the previous year we had received our diagnosis of unexplained infertility, spent thousands on unsuccessful treatments, had a surprise pregnancy, heartbreaking miscarriage, and surgery. Also, my dad had suffered his accident and spinal cord injury. So, by June I just didn't know where to turn anymore. I was still so lonely here in Arizona and felt that absolutely nobody really understood what was happening here. I reached out to Resolve, and found that a support group was just starting, that very week, in fact. In a huge step outside of my comfort zone, I went. And I've never regretted it.

Within a very short time there was a group of 5 of us girls who were all fighting the same battle, but in very different ways. This group saw me through my unsuccessful IVF, then adoption homestudy and approval, the creation of our profile book, adoption match and placement, another pregnancy, and another miscarriage and surgery. In fact, I was sitting with this very bunch of girls when Brian called to tell me that we had been chosen!

I stopped going to the meetings a few months after my last miscarriage. It was just time to stop. However, I still kept up with my 4 main girls, even though the group had grown much larger, seeing some every once in a while too. And, well, none of us are involved with the Resolve group anymore.

Next weekend will be a very special, celebratory weekend. We are all getting together here at the house, complete with babies (and one baby belly!), for a reunion. I couldn't be more thrilled. We've all come so far, and all of our dreams have been realized.

So, Heather, Tara, Christine and Debby, I just can't wait!

White Out

2010-04-17T11:18:00.004-07:00

After patiently waiting through many losing seasons, our Phoenix Coyotes have finally made it to the hockey playoffs. Since I've become a weird freak about hockey (which I blame on relocating to Arizona, because there is just something odd about ice hockey in the desert) we just had to go to the first playoff game. Look at all that white! It was an incredible experience.
Andy was such a good little Coyote fan. He clapped and danced and howled and kept everyone entertained.
The man who was sitting next to us was so taken by Andy that when he went to get his Dippin' Dots ice cream he brought back an extra spoon and shared with Andy. My little piggie loves ice cream so much that Brian had to go buy one for us so that Andy didn't eat all of the man's ice cream!

The Coyotes won, so it was well worth being tired at school the next day.

Better Than Barney

2010-04-14T17:10:00.003-07:00

Andy never really watched much TV until very recently. Actually, he's just way too busy to bother with it. In fact, even now he doesn't watch much. However, he does tune in whenever there is music or song on the TV. One of his all time favorites is Wonder Pets, and I do believe it is a favorite of mine too. And Brian. I mean, really, the tunes are pretty catchy. What's not to like about a chorus including the line, "pee pee, wee wee, TINKLE!" And how can you not like an episode where the worst crisis is that the puppy has to pee pee and can't get out of the house?

Andy and I were at Wally World picking up a few things when we happened to mosey through the toy aisle (Note to self: I must stop doing this!) looking for a birthday gift for an Andy pal this weekend. The Flyboat serenaded us from the shelf, and before I knew it, it was in the cart with us! Yup, I bought Andy a completely un-needed toy for no reason except for the sheer joy of it. His, and mine, if I'm telling the complete truth.

So far the Flyboat with all the critters is a big hit, even though it seems really LOUD at times. And how cool is it that the little critters have bobble heads? Even Molly thinks it's cool, though she does try to bite their little heads off.

What has become of my world that I now blog about preschool cartoons?!?!? Help a gal out, ask me some questions or give me some topics. Otherwise, I might resort to reporting about toddler toothbrushing.

It Finally Happened

2010-04-12T20:18:00.003-07:00

Today I took advantage of using some better time management skills. I didn't stay late after school today, and I didn't pick up Andy from the babysitter at the first opportunity. Instead, I changed into my workout clothes and set off for the gym. "Gym" doesn't exactly do this place justice. This is where we go, and I really like it, but I sure haven't been getting there as often as I would like. Or as often as I need to. But today, I was determined for it to be different.

In the end, I had a nice little workout and still made it home in time to have dinner with everyone and some playtime with Andy before putting him to bed.

More importantly, now I know that it is possible for me to make this work. And that must be worth something. My next step is for me to be comfortable leaving Andy in the child care center at the gym. It's funny, we've paid for Andy to be on the membership with us so that we can leave him at the child care center for months, OK, almost a year, but I have been too chicken to actually leave him there. Any tips?

Busy Season at Our B & B

2010-04-11T13:31:00.004-07:00

Spring time is certainly our busy season here at our B & B. We've had many a weekend of house guests last month and this month. I'd like to think that it's our delightful personalities that bring everyone out, but in reality, I think it's our cheap (read "free") rates. It's also likely the myriad of of outdoor events, especially sporting events, that bring everyone.

This weekend we had 7 guests due to the local Nascar race, including a few kids. Brian and his friends must be growing up, because this weekend was the tamest we've seen since moving out here. The kids (like me!) had no interest in Nascar, but baseball and lots of fun time outdoors filled the time.

I'm a little sad that our visiting season will soon be coming to an end. It seems that as the weather heats up fewer and fewer people like to come and visit with us. Just remember though, if you are on our list of regulars, it's a dry heat! Also, the pool is perfect, and open 24 hours a day.

Spring Bliss

2010-04-10T14:32:00.003-07:00

I'd have to say that this spring is the best spring ever, since moving to Arizona. The weather has been beautiful and I've actually been in a position to enjoy and appreciate it.

I think a big part of it is that my stress level is so manageable right now. School is well under control (though all the teachers out there will understand that there is no such thing as being "caught up"). We have state testing next week, but that's OK, it actually makes for an easy week as far as planning and prep time.

And dare I say that I feel like there's a little bit of balance between work and family time? It helps that there is still some daylight after dinner, as it allows for some play time. We got Andy this really fun sand and water table. He's a big fan! Of course, the first thing he did was drink some of the water and eat a big mouthful of sand. Ick.
And now, with this new-found balance that I feel if I could only work in some trips to the gym each week . . .

Happy Easter

2010-04-03T18:05:00.004-07:00

Last week during Spring Break, Andy and I made the trek to the mall to check out the sights. And who did we run into? The Easter Bunny, that's who! Andy was really excited, clapping and yelling and waving. We decided to stop for a visit. Andy was all about sitting on the Bunny's lap, and continued to look at him and chatter away. However, a pesky teenager with a camera kept calling to Andy and distracting him from his conversation with the Bunny. Here's the result:

What a difference from last year, when my little snuggle bunny was more than happy to smile at anyone with a camera!
I hope you all have a wonderful and beautiful Easter. We are due to have beautiful weather. We will be staying home, but having my parent's over for brunch. We are skipping church this time because of the "stage" that Andy is in, not wanting to ruin it for anyone else. I'm hoping to teach him how to hunt for Easter Eggs.

My Reward . . .

2010-04-01T21:21:00.003-07:00

. . . at the end of a really long day at work and then class was to come home to a dinner already made (thanks, Brian!) and fun playtime in the bath with my sweet Andy-Pants. Without any pants. Obviously. Since he was in the bath, and naked and wet and all.

Birthmom Visit

2010-03-30T21:02:00.005-07:00

On Sunday night went to the local kid's pizza and game joint featuring the giant rodent. (As a side note, we had never step foot in the place before, and hope to NEVER again.) I'm actually the loser who picked the place, thinking it would be a fun place to have our visit with A (Andy's birthmom), her fiance, 6 year old daughter, and 5 month old daughter. Little did I know that there wouldn't even be a table big enough for all of us to sit together. There also wasn't much that Andy could do, plus he was completely overwhelmed by all of the noise, lights, people, games, and activity. I'm just so proud of him and I had hoped that A would be able to see more of his cute little personality.

But, back to the purpose of the visit. It was great to see A again, and especially to see her joy at seeing Andy. As we talked I was so appreciative of hearing how pleased she is with her decision to place him with us. It helps so much to know that she isn't having any regrets. Andy was able to meet his half-sisters, and was quite tickled with the baby. It was really cute to see.

Even though I was a little nervous beforehand, I didn't need to be. I was at ease immediately. I think A was in the same boat as me. Each time we talk on the phone, text, or meet this seems to get easier. And that's a great feeling. Even though Andy is too little to realize what is going on I think it's important that by the time he is old enough that our visits feel very comfortable and natural. We are definitely heading in that direction, and for that I'm grateful.

They will be in town again over the 4th of July and we've talked about getting together again then, in a much more relaxed setting. In the meantime, we took more pictures and Andy continues to see A's pictures in our digital picture frame. We talk about what her name is, and hopefully next time he will be able to say it.

Andrew's First Cover Gig

2010-03-27T17:09:00.004-07:00

In the interests of full disclosure, I must share that this little gem is a product of Walgreens online phote service for the bargain price of just $5.99. But, I had you going there for a minute, didn't I?

Becoming More Open

2010-03-26T07:07:00.001-07:00

I'm already pretty open, much to the annoyance of some, I'm sure. But that's not what I'm talking about today. Rather, once again I'm trying to define the parameters of open adoption. Specifically, our open adoption.

As I've mentioned before, the nature of open adoption isn't static. It can change and develop over time with the needs of the triad . . . parents, child, and birthmom. And it seems, to be fair, that each part's needs should be considered equally. Right now Andy is too little to have much of a say in the matter, but his needs are what motivate me.

Since December I've had much more contact with A, Andy's birthmom, than in all the time before that. Sometimes we talk on the phone, but more often its texting. In fact, some of our more meaningful exchanges have happened via text. Right at the beginning of spring break I got a text from A saying that she had been watching "The Locator" and her thoughts came to Andrew and me and she just wanted to say 'thank you' and let me know that we are in her thoughts daily. I was very touched, and answered that it is my true hope that neither she, nor Andrew, ever have to search for each other.

This weekend A will be passing through town with her current fiance, 6 year old, and 5 month old. We will be meeting at a kid's pizza joint for a visit. I'm so excited for her to see Andrew and to see how amazing he is. I'm excited to take pictures of all of us together. I'm excited for Andrew to know just how blessed we are by A. For him to know just how much he's loved by all of us.

But I'm nervous, too. With each little step forward toward more openness I look around, from side to side and front to back. It's a little like walking on an ice covered lake, I suppose. I wonder which little step forward will send us crashing through the broken ice, putting us in emotional peril. I feel responsible not only for Andrew, but for A as well. I also need to look out for Brian's heart, and mine as well.

There isn't really a handbook to tell us how to do this. It's really up to all of us to figure it out as we go. So far it seems as though we are all navigating very slowly, which is a good thing. It allows us time to process and contemplate next steps and to just basically figure things out.
For now I just feel fortunate that we haven't had any conflicts, or hurt feelings, or closed doors. We still have the utmost respect and admiration for each other.

And so I'll stop here, promising to revisit the topic after our get-together this weekend. In the meantime, I'll be searching for the perfect outfit for Andrew, and hoping that the bruise on his forehead from falling into a coffee table fades away.

Spring Breakin'

2010-03-24T16:34:00.009-07:00

Oh the glories of Spring Break! Even though our anniversary was last month, we finally were able to celebrate last weekend. We spent our wedding night at The Grand Californian Hotel and Resort, but due to the lateness of our evening festivities and the earliness of our travel schedule we were only able to spend about 5 hours at the hotel. So, it seemed like a mighty fine place to celebrate our 5th anniversary. In addition, we had also saved some of our Christmas money to put towards annual passes at Disneyland. With how often we visit Brian's parents, and the fact that it's still free for Andy, we thought it would be fun for the next year.

We didn't want to overwhelm Andy, since he is still a little guy and all. Late Saturday morning we all went to Disneyland. Main Street was quite the experience for Andy! He's never seen so many people in one place.
Plus, there were giant furry creatures running about! Andy was so cute, clapping and yelling when he saw Chip from a distance, however, up close was another story. He cried and didn't want to be anywhere near the creature.
We made a beeline to Toon Town and Andy had a much better time playing in Goofy's yard and house.
I think Andy's highlight of the day was playing Goofy's piano. This kid loves to play!
Andy was so eager to get into Goofy's chair. He kept running into other people's pictures!
Andy had such a good time driving the car in front of Goofy's house that he just couldn't bother to look at the camera.
After taking a very, very slow tour (read: waiting in a really long line) through Mickey's house we finally made it into the studio to meet Mickey. Let's just say that it wasn't exactly love at first sight.
(Andy has since come to love Mickey. He has a little stuffed Mickey and a Mickey T-shirt. He taps the Mickey picture on his belly when you ask him where Mickey is.)

After visiting Mickey we decided it was time to leave. We dropped Andy at Brian's parent's house and gathered our things and went and checked in at the hotel. We went back to the park and went on a few rides. Later we had a nice dinner out and even got to sleep the whole night through, and sleep in, without worrying about Andy waking us up. It was our first night away from him, and went really well.

Ultimately, it was a wonderful anniversary celebration and well worth the delay. And now we are looking forward to our next trip to Disneyland with our sweet boy.

For Your Viewing Pleasure

2010-03-18T14:31:00.001-07:00